Why Me?

I try not to do the woe-is-mes around this trying for baby number two on purpose. But sometimes I just get damn well triggered.

Like today at Playgroup it seemed like every second Mum had a bump and was commiserating with another bump-Mum about pregnancy complications. Or there were the Mums juggling a toddler and a baby simultanenously whilst talking about the woes of the Mum-of-two balancing act. I had a moment in which I had to blink away the tears.

Don't they know how lucky they are?

To experience morning sickness again would be a dream. In fact I welcome every pregnancy symptom under the sun should I be lucky enough to fall pregnant! I look forward to the chaos of managing two preschoolers. Somehow as a Mum of one thus far I feel as though my mothering skills have not had the opportunity to be stretched to full capacity.

I'm a good Mum - a stay-at-home Mum who takes her two year and eight month old to Playgroup twice a week, music and to swimming lessons. We go to the beach, to the playground, and for big walks at the local motorcamp. Twice a week there are playdates where little under-three friendships are forming.

I love cooking tea for my wee family and putting out snacks and making lunch for my little girl. Watching her grow up thus far has been an honour and sometimes I can't believe I'm actually a Mum. For these reasons I want to experience motherhood again. I want to know what it feels like to have a completely different personality in the house. There are a thousand different reasons why I want another child but I'm not going to list them all for fear of sounding corny.

I just plead to God some days, why me? Why can't I be a Mum-of-two like all those other Mums out there?

All I can do is trust that the God of my understanding will answer my burning desire to have another child in his own time and in his own way. Somehow I feel my journey in trying to conceive for baby number two has only just begun.