What you can do to help

Dear friends, family, women also fighting infertility and anyone else who may vaguely know me if this blog was forwarded to them,

Firstly, I have accepted that I am going to be here in this chapter of my life dealing with secondary infertility for a considerable period of time (all up.) I have experienced so many ups and downs already and anticipate they will continue until there is some kind of resolution.

I want you to know that you can all support me at this time. It might not seem like you can, particularly if you can't identify with me. But I need you. I cannot fight this on my own.

Thankfully I have met some wonderful courageous women at Dailystrength going through the same thing. They are my on-line pen pals. Honestly, I think this "battle" would have been a whole lot harder had I not met them. They provide me with the understanding, continuous support and hope that I so desperately need. The trouble is, they live in the US. Chances are pretty high I'll never meet most of them in person.

I need my friends and family around me at this time. People who've known me for a while - before "all this". From the outside it might seem like I'm dwelling/wallowing in my pain. To some extent maybe I am. Every woman no doubt deals with infertility (IF) in her on own way, and my way is to be real with it all. And when I'm having a down day, my instinct is to isolate. I don't intentionally want to shut you out, it's just I get so overwhelmed some days with my feelings that I am in a state of paralysis with my pain. Believe me, I don't want to be like that.

I need you to check in with me and see how I'm doing. Some days I may want to talk about things, some days not. I just need to be reminded that you are still out there; the people who knew me before IF struck. Because I am not just a woman with IF going on; I am so much more than that and most days I can't see that. Remind me of our connection. Ask me out for coffee. Phone me. Email me. Don't let me be just because I may have indicated I wanted space. I will always value hearing from you, regardless of where I'm at.

I want to hear about your lives. Some days I feel like I'm in a Freeze Frame; and that nothing is moving. I need to hear about how your lives are really going. Share your joy and pain with me. I am capable of connecting with you even if it seems like I'm drowning in my stuff.

Pregnant friends and Mums-of-two; it is my biggest challenge maintaining an honest relationship with you. I want to keep things light between us and hold on to the hope that I'll be joining you one day but sometimes it seems so very unlikely that's going to happen. And when it does, I am in a state of grief. Never take my envy personally. I know I try to hide it, but my resentment often seeps out. I can't help this. It is very painful seeing others with the second child that I'm not sure will ever be mine.

There are no right words to say to a woman deemed infertile. Relax, let go of it, it'll happen one day and it'll happen if it's meant to don't offer any comfort at all. Tell me you'll pray for me and if you don't believe in God, just asking if you can do anything, even if there is nothing you can do, is a great place to start.

Thank-you just for being there so far on my journey. A special thanks to my friends - new and old who read this blog. I appreciate the comments and the feedback. It has comforted me knowing other women "get me" at this time and for the people who don't quite understand where I'm at, I appreciate that you have taken the time to try to gain some insight.

This too shall pass. One day I'll be on the other side of it all.

Much love,

Lynda
xx