I finished reading The Secret for the second time recently. The first time round, I was quite impressed with it, and for a while there felt empowered believing I could somehow turn my fertility issues around.
If I took everything I read literally then the term "secondary infertility" for starters would be a big no-no. Apparently harping on about infertility issues will only attract more infertility. So I'm meant to think constant happy thoughts, tell myself I'm fertile and use visualisation to get what I want out of the universe.
Well I tried the above methods after reading The Secret the first time round. Only my periods stopped and I felt worse somehow visualising another baby when I had so many mixed emotions churning away. The photo of me preggars with my daughter on my cork board only dug the knife further into my heart. Oh my belly starting swelling alright. Not because I was pregnant; but because I was growing a cyst!
For a period of time I actually drove around with my daughter's current booster seat and her old baby car-seat thinking perhaps if I imagined I had two children in my car, it would happen. I know!...(The seat was there for our daughter's friends too though, just in case we ever took one of them out with us - truly!) Anyway, my husband removed the baby car-seat from the car a few months back and put it in the garage as it was getting sun-damaged.
My daughter got a dolls-house for her second birthday and it came with a family of three - a Mum, Dad and a baby-girl. For Christmas I bought some add-ons for the dolls-house which was mainly bedroom furniture - and a big sister! I thought if we had a family of four in the dolls-house then it would/maybe/might help with the law of attraction side of things.
How I see it this time round is the law of attraction really is about just getting yourself into a space where you are able to receive the gifts of the universe. Simply having hope and faith that you will get what you've asked for. It's about letting go of the how and the when and just believing that it's all going to work out.
The Secret is a little simplistic for something as complicated as INfertility (note; I'm rebelling here!) Some experiences in life have many layers that need working through, so it is impossible to simply switch off all your feelings in a situation like INfertility to maintain a constant state of happiness. I'm sure any psychologist would agree. However, positive thinking is effective and I personally try to use it as much as possible, without deluding myself too much.
Admittedly reading The Secret again helped me with working through some of the stuff that has been bubbling away for probably a year now. Although it's somewhat laughable, somehow playing with my daughter's dolls-house with her with the family of four does give me some hope. And when my daughter said "little wister" today, I hoped that one day she will have a little sister or brother for real.
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