Is she an only child?

My daughter's playgroup is the classic place for infertility faux pas. You'd think given that we're all Mums (and Dads) and have been through many of the same things with our initiation into parenthood and all, that the sensitivity levels would be relatively high. Not always so.

I think chances are if you are at a playgroup with the one preschooler, you probably haven't left the baby at home alone. Of course, for those that don't know me; I could have an older child. Who knows, anything goes these days. I have met Mums of all ages and my daughter's playgroup is made up primarily of thirty-something Mums who are in differing stages of motherhood since the age range is birth to five years.

I have to admit, I do ask the question myself when I see a Mum with one child who is around two or three years old. My curiosity gets the better of me and you never know; once I met a Mum in the same boat. I try to be as creative as possible when asking the question and no doubt have used the dreaded only-child description myself a few times in the midst of the chaos at playgroup.

Today I was sharing with a visiting Mum how my daughter appears to be ready for Kindy as she's getting bored some days hanging just with her Mum. It was at this point that she said:
"Is she an only child?"

Admittedly that got my back up somewhat. I only nodded but on the inside was seething a little. I don't like the only child label - it sounds so negative, somehow. Perhaps just because of what the label implies - that this poor wee child is sitting at home alone and unstimulated. And even though I try to make my daughter's weeks as social and as stimulating as possible; that is exactly where she's at today - a bit bored and a bit lonely.

I have Mother's Guild (MG) around not being able to supply her with a sibling. Another sibling is more than just a playmate. It is about companionship and family. There are many crucial lessons to be learnt from having a sibling - sharing, that Mum has someone else's needs to attend to, that we're all unique individuals, looking out for one another, and someone to hang and (fight!) with.

Even though I can find many positives for the one-child family; I do feel there is so much to be lost from not having a sibling. I don't mean the one-child family is a bad thing. Not at all. I know many healthy examples of this. Yet, until the door is closed on my dream of two children; I will continue to be plagued by my desire to have it fulfilled.

To this day I remain haunted by the words of a woman from my antenatal class, upon hearing the news that the first Mum in our group was pregnant with her 2nd child:
"They'll be a proper family."

For a whole lot of reasons, this is how I feel too. The older my daughter gets, the more obvious is her one-child status. I do feel like she is missing out and all the playdates in the world won't replace what is an innate need, I believe, to be part of a two-child (or more) family.