I got back from my first ever childless whole weekend last night. As in two nights, two days! It was amazing. It was everything I thought it would be and more. It gave me the space to just "be", the opportunity to do lots of those pre-motherhood activities many of us Mums can only dream about, particularly in the space of a day (more about those soon!), time to hang with a close friend which is so incredibly rare, and a chance to be reminded of the woman I was before I signed up for the role of stay-at-home Mum.
Although it was good to have a change of scene, it wasn't as though the secondary infertility stuff got left completely behind. Put a group of women together and chances are high the topic of children will come up at some point. Even so, I managed to settle completely into my weekend away quite early in the piece and decided early on I would have as much fun as I could - not that I had to try in the end! At first it was odd to have left my daughter behind for that length of time, but I eventually got over that too.
Friday night I flew into Wellington airport and friend no.3 picked myself and another friend flying in for Hen's nights festivities from Wellington airport. We went into town for an icecream in a "real mall" and then headed back to friend no.3's house. Saturday morning we went for a walk in Plimmerton with the dog, and I spied a retro rocking-horse at a garage sale for $5NZ that I managed to bring back on the plane with me! I like to refer to these presents I get while away as my Guilt Presents (GP). But in actuality, it was a bargain and one that needed to be snatched up as well as something I wanted to get my daughter at some point.
The majority of women at the Hen's Party weren't Mums. So it was interesting being in a large group of women where the focus in their lives was on other things such as career, travel and house ownership. On one hand it was refreshing to hear stories about climbing up the corporate ladder and treks through Nepal, and the other hand a stark reminder of the limbo land of motherhood I'm currently in; seemingly not moving forward in any kind of direction.
But there was lots of fun to be had and it was all about sisterhood - it had nothing to do of course with where we all were at in our lives. We were all there for friend. no.3. Simple as that.
The Hen's party was launched with a noon bodyjam class at friend no.3's local gym. This was a dance/gym class and loads of fun! I did alright considering a lot of the moves are quite complex, and haven't done any cardio for a while. There were certainly many moments in which I got quite lost. I have the blisters and sore thighs two days later to prove that I survived the class!
Next was a tea-party. It was very civilised with tea in elegant tea-pots and little cakes served on platters outdoors in a cafe near the beach on a beautiful Wellington Summer's day (albeit some wind, but pretty good by Wellington standards). I fell off the wagon in that I had some regular tea (I have been off caffeine for a year) by mistake. Oh well. I probably needed it for stamina.
After the tea-party we went to a local masseuse where friend no.3 was pampered head-to-toe and the rest of us "hens" paired up for hand and head massages. Very relaxing. The atmosphere alone was enough to make my shoulders droop. It did have me hankering for a full-body massage though which I will book in sometime soon.
The cocktail party and Singstar were combined which worked well for me! I was quite reluctant to sing at first but after a beer managed to find some dutch courage. I ended up doing three songs, paired with either friend no.3's six year old niece or one of the other hen's. And I did well by song three, being rated as a "lead-singer" on Singstar.
Just before 7pm we headed into town for dinner at a trendy downtown Wellington restaurant. It felt very Sex And The City-like, sipping a margarita before dinner, clad in high heels and a lime green top and feeling quite un-Mumsy. Dinner was fabulous. Mexican and so different to the child-friendly food we eat seven days a week. I had one more margarita for the road, at $12NZ a pop knowing it was going to be quite a while before I indulged in those again.
After dinner the hen's headed into Courtney Place, which is Wellington's nightlife pretty much packed into one long stretch. We went to Boogie Wunderland for a couple of hours for a bit of a dance to mainly seventies music. We were all on waters by then, so quite mellow. Just after midnight we left town, getting back to friend no.3's house by 12.30am, which equated to twelve hours of girlie fun. As we left town I remarked to another hen, that although I'd had fun, I was ready to go back to suburbia!
My weekend away was a confirmation for me that I am somehow lost between two worlds - motherhood and then life as I knew it before kids. It's like I haven't been able to think much about what I have "sacrificed" for almost three years as my majority of time and energy has gone into my daughter. However, something is shifting as she approaches three and I'm starting to step outside the confines of motherhood a little. Only I have changed of course in these three years. So I am getting to know myself all over again. I'm not sure where I'm headed, but I'm trusting that new opportunities are around the corner in some form.
While away I was also reminded of my relationship with my husband - what that was like before parenthood. I do want to encourage more time for "us" this year. Neither of us have felt ready to leave our daughter for long periods of time, but the time is drawing closer to us being able to do that.
All in all it was a fantastic weekend away. I felt very fortunate at being able to go and so thankful that I have a husband who was willing to look after our daughter for a whole weekend. I was reminded of what the word "weekend" means to those without kids - a time to do whatever-the-hell-you-like at the end of a working week. As parents know, weekends and holidays are never the same again, particularly with preschoolers who are still learning how to play independently. It was a strange luxury having "time to kill" at one point while friend no.3 went for a dress fitting for her bridesmaids. I looked around some shops and then relaxed in a cafe alone with a cheese toastie and a smoothie and remembered what it felt like in those pre-motherhood weekends to wonder what I might do next.
When I turned up at Nelson airport I was greeted by my high-energy daughter and visibly relieved husband. I'd forgotten in two days what it was like to be on constant bodyguard duty with a small child in a public area. Even though I was straight into putting tea on as soon as I got home, and felt a wee bit flat after my surreal weekend away; I was rapt to see my wee family and glad to be home.
No comments:
Post a Comment