Arghhh!

So I phoned the gyno this morning again, to talk to the receptionist as direct calls to my gyno don't seem possible at this stage. I wanted to check up about the cyst for once and for all and also to get some advice about the Provera. She just called me back about the notes from the radiologist that my gyno should have read by now - he never got them! The gyno hasn't read them yet another receptionist at the same surgery the week before last claimed he'd received them! I really don't feel comfortable with proceedings until I know one hundred percent for sure that the cyst has been cleared. Apparently I can take the Provera now since my monthly bleed was only spotting. So I will go and get the Provera today.

Today I am peeved about the fact I cannot talk directly to my gyno. I am not in a good place, anyway - exhausted, angry and sick and tired of this deal all over again. It really does my head in going round and round in circles. A member on Dailystrength described infertility as doing donuts over and over again. All one wants to do is drive in a straight line somewhere. No matter how hard I try, I keep coming back to here - this painful place of waiting.

I try to move forward in another ways in my life but seem to be taking such baby steps. I've been looking for part-time work but to no avail at this point. But the one goal from my three monthly goals I set a few weeks back is happening and that is to join the gym. I've done a couple of cardio classes over the past week and have enjoyed them and felt so much better after a cardio release so will be signing up today for that.

The can of worms that is secondary infertility is so tiresome. I want to put the lid on it all so badly, and to move on but I just keep getting pulled back into it. It is very much a case of two steps forward, and one back.

Today I need to remember
The Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change
The things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference