Our social worker said she didn't know the full story and thought that perhaps the birth mother may have changed her mind about adoption, as all the profiles came back - not just ours.
Still. It's the closest we've gotten to being picked as adoptive parents. It is hard to not take it personally.
It seems to be another era of babies being born around me. SIF is still very much in my face. I continue to apply self-preservation. It is still hard to understand why God didn't want me to have my heart's desire. But I have hope and faith that He has another plan for me, if having another child isn't on the cards.
Deep down I know God has it all covered. There is change in the air yet I'm not sure where I'm headed. SIF has impacted me greatly and has touched every aspect of my being. I have emerged a different person who wants different things. Some things in my life no longer fit so I have to work through the aftermath of SIF and face the reality of where I stand with "the externals" in my life.
I no longer expect my life to be a certain way. Living with broken dreams for so many years hasn't been good for me. I am ready to hand it all over to God and to let him sort it out.
3 comments:
(((Hugs))) I'm so sorry, sweetheart! I'm hurting for you!
I am so sorry.
This touched me:
"It is still hard to understand why God didn't want me to have my heart's desire. But I have hope and faith that He has another plan for me, if having another child isn't on the cards. Deep down I know God has it all covered."
Thank you for letting God use you through your loss to give insight to others.
I'm so sorry. We just had a failed FET trying for our second. Its' such a strange place to be, so happy with and fulfilled by the one I have, yet still so filled with longing to have another. I wish I had your peace, I try to accept that His will might be for us to just have one. If so I hope He takes away the deep longing I have for another.
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