When we did a marriage course at the start of being married, it was drummed into us the importance of putting our relationship first. Of course we were newly married and although I was pregnant on that course; I was totally unaware of the reality of how different life would be as a married couple with a child on board.
Fast forward to five years of married life. We have a four year old with special needs who we have both poured our hearts and souls into. Add SIF to the mix and it is not hard to see why couple-time kind of left the building.
But it's never too late to make changes. We left our daughter with her respite carer today while my husband and I went for a walk on the beach. We talked about things and have agreed to marriage counselling. This might be a bit full-on for some me disclosing this within a blog but I'm okay with it - it's all part of my SIF journey/my desire for a second child. If my story helps someone else, then my openess would have been worth it.
I feel a lot better after opening up the lines of communication with my husband. Obviously it's always better to have things out in the open. I am not so good at speaking my mind with the hard stuff though. I've established with my husband that we've been through some big stuff lately and that I had some confusion around what was old (family of origin) stuff and what was a reaction to the reality of what we've been through. I said I was keen to continue with going down the adoption path but that it might not be for us - we'll see.
One of my husbands former flatmates popped round today with her partner. They are childless, not home-owners and are not particularly tied to Nelson. It was refreshing to spend time with a couple who have all the freedom in the world to be what they want to be. A reminder that we can all have that to some extent, taking responsibilites into account of course.
Both my husband and I acknowledged today that we've put ourselves - or at least our marriage, second to parenthood. The couple that popped round today are having a party in a couple of weeks time so we'll try to make it - just the two of us. We've attempted date nights off and on over the last four years of being parents but they alway seem to fizzle out. But this time round we'll give it a decent shot. I think we've both realised that it's time to make life about more than just parenting.
I had another stall at a local fair yesterday and sold four paintings which I was pretty pleased with. That was my third stall in four months. I will have a break over Autumn/Winter and build up my stock and perhaps do another art course and will look forward to doing some more markets in the Spring.
I put my energy into things outside of parenthood but that annoying desire for another child still hasn't budged - no matter how hard I try. I have some baby-shopping to do as there have been a few additions to other peoples families of late. It seems so strange that babies arriving are so natural for some - and a complete mystery for others. I keep thinking I have Gods Will figured out for us, but I don't. I spent a good month looking for part-time work but to no avail. It seems for now we are just meant to just carry on as we are. I find that so incredibly annoying! I am craving change somehow.
I feel as though we have been in this no-mans land for far too long. People around us are moving/buying houses/having babies and we are just carrying on. But if I listen hard enough I know that this period of time is about facing some big emotional and spiritual growth. If we didn't have so many set-backs; we/I wouldn't be forced to look at things. (dammit!)
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