MOT overload

I survived a week in MOTSville. It went exactly how I thought it might - there were tears, the SIF grief did come up as did the green-eyed monster. However I wasn't riddled with jealousy or paralysed in my grief. I was still able to enjoy the company of my MOT friend and relatives.

What broke the straw on the camel's back I think was when I bought two size 0000 bodysuits for my expectant neighbour as a thanks for looking after our cat. One morning as I packed up our things in the motel I felt overcome with emotion at the sight of my daughter's size five clothes next to these teeny tiny pink bodysuits. That haunting feeling that I should have been packing up clothes for my other child was there as I folded the baby clothes into a suitcase. The feeling that something went terribly wrong on the TTC front is hard to shake at times.

We saw four babies all up in a week - all at home, in their cosy settings. They were newborn age all the way through to a year. They were all children of MOTs except for one who was a first-born. The hardest thing to bear was the MOTS comparing the personalities of their two children - their babies temperaments and how different they are etc etc. That was something I so wanted to experience - two different personalities.

One MOT asked how I felt being around her two children which I thought was really considerate. I said I was okay yet that was day two into our week away. By day three I woke up during the night with tears streaming down my face. Some of the MOTs seemed to have it all sorted with two children under their wings - some were struggling. Although I can sympathise somewhat around the broken nights sleep and the lack of "me time" with two young children; I do find it so very hard to go there too much. No-one ever said parenting was easy and when MOTs complain about normal parenting issues I have to kind of detach.

It was great to go away up North and to see the in-laws and one of my good friends but I'm kind of glad that I can get back to my everyday life again in which I can monitor how often I make MOT contact. Going away was an emotional risk yet I did it and I survived.