The actual shift went well.The build-up was tough on our daughter but she has come out on the other side of it all and is doing really well. She started school this week and is thriving there! I did have a few tears to shed at her Kindergarten graduation last Friday. But Monday was such a busy morning for me - her first day at school - that I didn't have time to get tearful! (I had to drop my Dad off at the airport who came to visit for the weekend/take my daughter to school and get to work - all by 9am!).
We had a small low-key fifth birthday party for our daughter on Saturday, which was her actual birthday. It was really lovely and was a classic Kiwi birthday party in many ways. I didn't do any baking as I wasn't quite settled in our new kitchen so the birthday cake was just a supermarket mudcake decorated with peebles and jellybeans! I do enjoy baking for birthday parties but had to let go of my supermum expectations at this time with so much going on. ;)
I have to admit I have had a few baby (day) dreams since being in this house. When I see all our baby gear stored in the garage, I do wonder if it will be used again. I see nappies hanging on the line, drying gently in the breeze (even though I have never even used cloth nappies!!). I see a baby crawling down the hallway, a cot in our bedroom, a highchair in the kitchen...As I have said in another post - I will let myself dream of another child again as it still a possibility for us.
As far as picking up on the adoption process goes; I am still keen to start things up in June again. It is almost April and I do think we will need a couple of months to settle into our new home and to get into the swing of paying off a mortgage. I have been thinking about visits with our social worker and a bit about our profile in the sense of developing a financial plan for raising a prospective adopted child. I am asking God for help with this as I am not sure we could manage on one income now we have a mortgage. Perhaps we could in the short-term. I need to do some research to find out what we might be entitled to as far as government assistance goes. A friend told me that there is some financial pay-out for adopted children in this country - just like there is when a child is born (around NZ $2000). I need to look into a few things so we will have a proposal as such for our profile when it comes to writing it later this year.
I am applying for another second job. I want to leave my Sunday job now that our daughter has started school. Although she is only doing mornings for now; she will be doing full-days before long and I want to have my days free in the weekend to spend time with her/time as a family. The job I am going for is for the early evenings on a Saturday and Sunday night which suits us just fine. I am really enjoying my weekday job which I have had for five months now. I made a plan a few months back around some things we needed to do before picking up the adoption process again and everything has been ticked off including me getting more work and us buying a home. I do feel as though God has the plan and the timetable and I am in no rush for things to happen - I am allowing things to flow naturally, without me pushing.
Although I remain in a good place around being infertile - as in, I accept that I cannot have another biological child and am trying my best to carry on with my life - I am still trying to make sense of where my body is as far as perimenopause goes. I am going through a phase of experiencing a lot of physical symptoms - night sweats, hot flushes, and sore breasts. It isn't fun and is quite unsettling. I haven't had symptoms for a while but understand that is the nature of perimenopause - symptoms come and go - as it typically takes place over a few years. There is a blood test I haven't had the results for yet as I keep forgetting to phone up. I'm not sure what it will reveal exactly anyway.
Buying our home has been a very positive chapter in our lives. It does feel like a new start yet I think it will take some time to heal completely from the dark days of secondary infertility. There is a MOTH-to-be (mother of three to be) across the road from us that I know from Kindy. If she wasn't pregnant - I might have popped across the road to say hi. But she is and I'm not sure I want to start a connection with a woman who is about to pop out her third child! I am so, so selective around who I befriend as far as mothers go - if I hadn't gone through secondary infertility, my social contact with mothers may have been quite different.
All in all, I feel like I am doing okay. I still need some nesting time in our home to sort out a few things, but overall feel like this is "home." I still feel as though 2010 is going to be a good year for us. I will look forward to seeing what else God has in store for us!
2 comments:
Oh I feel very much that I can identify with a lot of what you have written there. I'm glad your house move went well and you are all settling into your new house (which sounds lovely, by the way!) I know what you mean about having baby daydreams and wondering if you will ever use your baby things again; that feeling is always there, isn't it? I wish you well in your conquest, and also in the job hunting (I'm doing it myself at the moment too)
By the way, I forgot to add that I totally get the 'chose who you befriend' thing with regard to pregnant neighbours/acquaintances. The potential of bursting into tears with a relative stranger during baby talk is not a nice thought! I seem to have alienated a lot of my pre-existing friends (all with 2+ kids, obviously!) and am very wary of making new ones for that reason.
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