Apparently we are considered to be in the pool for prospective adoptive parents - even though our profile hasn't officially been handed in yet. I'm really looking forward to handing over the hand-copy of our profile and just walking away from it all. I'm more than ready to wind up this whole adoption process and this whole trying to add to our family deal. It does feel as though things have started to drag getting the profile to the final stages.
For a few weeks I felt quite positive and hopeful about the adoption process. But at the moment I am concerned about elements of our profile - "our story" as such, that may not be so appealing to some. Afterall, we've had to share our life history warts and all - the past - and the present. After a challenging couple of weeks on the autism front with our daughter; I wonder if the family member who said perhaps we are better off just having one child because of the ASD factor, is in fact, right. I've been asked to elaborate about life with our daughter in our profile. Anyone who understands autism even remotely knows that these children need a lot of extra special care and attention. I guess I have heard one story too many where siblings of autistic children are affected.
There is no perfect family. I know that - especially these days after having survived SIF. But I know the perspective of a birth family must be about aiming for the most perfect family possible since as birth parents they have obviously decided they are not up to the job.
I also worry about having to say that we'd more than likely put our potential adopted child into childcare at some point. Yet I don't know for sure what will happen as I may take maternity leave and then decide not to go back to work - which is what happened with my daughter - I didn't go back to the job I had maternity leave from but took on a different job with lesser hours. I understand about needing to be as clear as possible for the birth family but it is hard to predict how things will go when we don't know the timing of a potential adoption happening, where we will be at financially or what kind of head-space I will even be in to make decisions about work and when and if childcare even enters into the equation.
I guess when our social worker asked if I could work from home I kind of got the vibe that perhaps childcare in the earlier years isn't perhaps an appealing offer for some birth families. I've pointed out in the profile that I only actually work 12 hours a week and have no plans to increase my hours. Sigh. We can only be who we are, I guess. At this point in time I do need to work to help pay our mortgage. But with two kids we'd be eligible to more government support and once you factor in the cost of childcare - we possibly might be in the same boat whether or not I work or not. Perhaps I need to do some calculations to get my head around things and this might lead to some further clarity in our plans for our profile.
I've been busy with work - and still am - these past few weeks. In fact I haven't blogged for well over two weeks as my head has been full of work stuff. I'm looking forward to the Christmas holidays just to slow down and get some r & r.
I am a little anxious about the whole profile deal - that's why I just want it done and dusted so I cannot worry anymore about the content. I also feel my SIF stuff lurking in the background with Christmas just around the corner. I guess Christmas is a time of acknowledging one's dreams in life and when they haven't happened; it can be painful.
Many of the women I've met on my SIF journey are doing well. Babies have arrived or are arriving soon. Or there is a lot of hope in the air as new procedures or treatments are tried. At the same time my heart bleeds for the women I know who have reached the end of the road - who have to rebuild their lives somehow. I still stand somewhere in the middle - we have the opportunity at least to be considered for adoption - but it might not happen. I have no idea how this is all going to turn out. But just looking forward to 2011 being about other things - whatever they are.
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