Therapy - in the form of a dog

We officially adopted a dog last weekend! I have been on the look-out for a few weeks and found one on TradeMe (the New Zealand version of EBay). Her name is Meg. She is seven years old and is a bearded collie (crossed with cattle and whippet dog). Her previous owners sold their house and have moved into a motorhome.

It was love at first sight when I first met her. But we took the whole adoption process slowly, making sure Meg and all the members of our family were happy before taking her on for good. The previous owners also wanted to take it slow as they were emotional about giving up their dog. Meg has settled really well into our family a week on - our daughter adores her and even our nine month old kitten follows her around the garden and seems overall pretty content in her company.

I have wanted a dog for a while and knew it would help with the SIF healing. Owning a dog for a week so far has been a very positive experience - it has obviously given me something to love - to cuddle, to nurture and spend time with. Our family feels more complete with a dog in it. When the four of us are out walking (including Meg) - it feels right. Our daughter now has a playmate - someone to play and spend time with.

Every morning this week Meg came with my daughter and I on our walks to school. It's just a short walk - just five or ten minutes up the street but it's been such a positive way to start the day - for all of us. My daughter has had some difficulties at school over the last week or so and so having a dog to walk to school has been a great incentive for her to go to school. She is so proud of her and asks her peers after school to come and meet our dog.

I know owning a dog is God's Will for me - for us. There have been so many coincidences in the last week since Meg came into our lives - even acquiring her was a "meant to be" kind of a story.

One afternoon earlier this week I took Meg for a walk before picking up my daughter from school and I saw another Mum with a daughter in the same class also walking her dog. We ended up taking the dogs for a walk together. As we chatted about dog things (and other topics!) I noticed two women with bumps across the road from us pushing buggies. They were going in the opposite direction to us. I had a very distinct feeling from God that that wasn't His Will for me - to be wheeling a baby in a buggy at that moment in time - it was to be walking a dog. The Mum I was walking with has two children and it didn't even enter into the equation - it was about two Mums walking their dogs - it didn't matter how many kids we had.

A new peace has entered my being. Perhaps acceptance on a deeper level. I will be turning 43 in a couple of weeks. Almost five years ago when it was obvious I was most likely infertile at 38 I was heartbroken - it seemed so unfair and I felt as though I was too young despite late 30s being quite late in life to be adding to a family. But five years on I'm okay I think with being infertile at 43. In fact, I would expect to be infertile at 43. I certainly couldn't imagine carrying a baby anymore in my womb even though I wanted that for so long.

As for mothering - I've no idea if that will happen again for me. But I'm shifting away from that being a focus these days. I'm still wading through all our under five gear. It has been freeing and satisfying passing on gear to others knowing it has been greatly appreciated. I finally feel like I am really letting go in mind, body and soul. I'm ready to see what God has in store for me - even if it is a very different plan to the one I had hoped for (and held on to) for so long.