Social worker has received our profile!

I got an email from our social worker today saying that she has received our profile and that that she, another social worker and another staff member will all be looking at it over the next couple of weeks. She said it looked great at a glance which was good to hear. She said to be assured that if a birth family came through soon then all efforts would be made to finalise our profile.

I'm quite happy with the timing as I have a busy couple of weeks coming up at work and really want to get things tidied up on the work-front before going into the pool. Our social worker said in an email that she was aware that Christmas was looming and so the aim is to get us in the pool before Christmas - so not long to go at all!

I feel the most incredible sense of relief knowing we are so close to being prospective adoptive parents. As my husband said, it is quite good going in to the pool at the end of this year because that means we only have to hang around for two full years to see what happens. It all feels right anyway - the way we have approached the adoption process - slowly but surely in our own time.

After feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off after completing the first draft of our profile; I have found this natural urge emerging to focus on the next thing. It is as though all this energy that went into hoping for another child and trying different ways to achieve this dream has come back to me again. I am astounded to realise just how much of myself I lost in so many ways as I went through the whole SIF deal. I have been looking online at writing courses and at a job that interests me. Yet I cannot really pursue these other things as writing courses involve money we don't have right now and starting a new job would really throw a spanner in the works as we enter the pool for prospective adoptive parents. But still; it's good to think about other things I might want to do with my life should I end up a Mum of One for good.

Although the limbo of being in the pool will restrict and define how we live our lives somewhat over the next couple of years; it won't be as frustrating as the limbo of living with secondary infertility. At least at this point in time we know exactly where we stand - we have reached the end of the road for adding to our family (adoption) - it's either going to work, or not. It really is that simple.

I have sent messages on Facebook to three groups around where we are at in the adoption process (near the end) - my in-laws, my Dailystrength friends (some of whom have moved on from Dailystrength) and my local friends who have known about our desire to adopt. There are others out there who know a little about our adoption plans but I will wait until we are in the pool before announcing it to the world - or at least on Facebook. We have been relatively open about our adoption plans but I am still somewhat careful around who I disclose full details to.

Already one friend today came back with how it would be a nice Christmas present - if we got picked this year. Hmmm. I have spent the last three Christmases hoping and dreaming another addition to the family would be here to share it with us. I am not holding my breath. Don't get me wrong - I am excited to have this opportunity to even be considered by birth families as adoptive parents. But I really have no idea how this is all going to pan out. Most I've met who have adopted in this country have waited several years before anything happened so I'm sure we won't suddenly get a phonecall just minutes after going into the pool!

Yep, the whole SIF has caused me to me a bit of a cynic. Or am I just realistic these days? I'm not sure. I no longer feel bitter, or consumed about SIF or riddled with grief and pain. I seem to be able to live in the moment more and am able to enjoy what I have in life - rather than what I don't. But I feel too defined still by this big loss that occurred in my life. It changed me. I still haven't quite figured out who I am post-SIF.