Seeing the bigger picture

I had my last session with my counsellor yesterday and as of today am weaning myself off the happy pills (it's a four week process). It feels good to be deemed to be coping well enough to let go of this outside help I've needed for the last few months.

However, making peace with SIF as it stands in my life today has meant some other issues have surfaced in my life. (Damn!!) They have been there all along but my obsession with SIF for so long meant they got pushed aside. So now I am faced with dealing with delayed grief around my daughter's ASD diagnosis, as well as financial and martial issues. I still have a lot of work to do!

My husbands work is on shaky ground at the moment so I am on the look-out for more work. I already work Sundays and so don't want to work anymore but it's about facing our financial reality. I have been so lucky to be an at-home Mum for the last (almost) four years. I've managed to work ten hours a week or less since my daughter was six months old without putting her into care or getting a nanny/babysitter. But I am going to have to keep an open mind around work and will have to trust God that all the details will sort themselves out - as in if we need extra help, the right person will come along.

Nobody likes to talk about their marriage. I won't in detail except to say we have been affected by the last few years of SIF and our daughters ASD. Add financial worries and some communication problems to the mix and it is plain to see some work is needed on the home-front.

I think I have known for sometime that I have needed to sort out several areas in my life. Perhaps focusing on the dream for another baby was the perfect escape for a while. I dunno. All I know is I'm living in the Now and it's not easy! There are many struggles. I'm doing the best I can and trying once again to take it all ODAT (one day at a time). The bigger picture is that things are a mess! Our home is perhaps not a good environment to bring a baby into the world right now. But that will hopefully change in time. I do trust God. I am obviously going through a huge emotional growth spurt. SIF has given me the strength to face the next chapter and whatever comes with it.