We had our last appointment with our social worker yesterday. Coincidentally, it was my 42nd birthday. We covered a lot of ground and were told that we have unofficially been accepted into the prospective adoptive parents pool. Our social worker has approved us but we still need to go through a couple of more channels more before getting an official ok. Our social worker gave us the information for writing our profile, so we can start to think about that.
It does feel good to have reached this point - pretty much the end of the adoption process. Reactions from friends and family have been mixed. I cannot help but feel a little disappointed by the reaction of some friends and family. For the most part, people don't know what to say. I guess they have no comprehension really of all we've been through to get this point. If I was announcing I was pregnant I would be receiving hugs and congratulations. The adoption process is described by some as a "paper pregnancy" and I really believe that it is the case. Just as if you were pregnant; you put your heart and soul into the adoption process and have to imagine a child that may come to you one day. One friend did actually say today "it's like you're pregnant" which was nice of her to say.
I guess as a couple we are being relatively open around our adoption plans. I haven't shared our plans with my work-place, however, but will have to once our profile goes into the prospective adoptive parents pool. I guess I am keen to continue to educate and advocate that there are other options to adding to one's family.
I worry sometimes that our potential adopted child may possibilibly get treated differently to our biological daughter by some family members. I suppose none of our family live in the same town so nobody has followed us closely in this process - I feel as though our motives aren't clearly understood. But really it is about our family and our desire to add to it that is the most important thing of all. Although extended family do play a part in our lives, it really isn't in a hands-on kind of a way. We just visit each other as much as we can.
I do feel a lot of relief to be at this stage in the adoption process. Our daughter has been talking about having a little sister a lot lately - almost every day. She even got her magnetic letters and asked how to spell Isobel - as she thinks that is what her little sister should be called! We are just going with it - allowing her to dream. It is a possibility that she might get a sibling at this point in time so I'm not going to squash her hopes though I do gently remind her that a baby might come - not that one is coming.
We found out yesterday that there are around eight or nine couples hoping to adopt in the town we live in and that three adoptions took place in this town last year. The odds feel promising to us though of course the numbers don't really mean a lot; it is more about the choice made by any given birth family.
Although I would say I am in a good space around SIF and the adoption process, silly comments do continue to irk me at times! Over the last week there have been a few incidences. It was hard to hear a Mum at a children's party last weekend while holding her baby declaring it was her last - I did get a pang of jealousy hearing another woman talking openly about her fertility. A friend commented when I said I had done some healing because of the IF group I started "And then you have your daughter..." - she may as well have sid "At least you have one. " In one second SIF was minimised and the comment made my blood boil. My husband and I stayed on for the first ten minutes one morning at school this week. The class was talking about babies on the way and babies who had just been born. I felt so bad for our daughter sitting there quietly while these conversations were going on. I know she feels excluded on some level that she doesn't have a sibling - or one on the way. Also at the birthday party we went to last weekend when all the kids were in a circle about to play parce-the-parcel they were talking about things and one of the questions was, who has a brother or sister at home? I guess I have dealt with enough of my SIF stuff to see and know that my daughter's desire to have a sibling is very real. I have never brought up the topic. Not once. I only ever elaborate if she starts talking about it.
I look forward to the day - at the latest in two years from now - when this is all over. Whatever happens. I look forward to concluding this long episode in our lives of hoping to add to our family. If we don't get picked by a birth family, it will be good to be able to tell our daughter that we tried and it wasn't meant to be. Although I have moved on a lot from SIF and am ready to let go of the adoption option soon too - in the sense that what will be, will be - I know there will be a part of me that will remain in limbo until the day this is all finished. I have found peace again but my heart still wants and needs an ending sometime soon. I know I can do it for another two years - wait and hope - but after that (if not before) I just want to embrace my life as it stands today.
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