Hi,
This letter is an explanation as to why I have started an infertility support group here in Nelson.
After being blessed with a daughter who was conceived naturally and without any fertility issues; it has been a long three year journey in accepting that I cannot conceive any more children. I have been so desperate to conceive that I have sought help with my secondary infertility from my family Dr, a gynaecologist, a couple of herbalists, an acupuncturist, and even a vibrational healer! I have been to three counsellors – including one marriage counsellor.
In the last three years I have felt misunderstood, judged, isolated, less-than the fertile women out there, ashamed of my infertility, guilty of wanting another child, and very, very alone. Because there were no active infertility support groups in Nelson when I was in the throes of secondary infertility a couple of years ago; I joined an on-line group. It has been an incredible support.
Infertility is hard to understand unless you’ve been through it. Family and friends don’t tend to be able to grasp that infertility is a continual grief process. Those on the outside make silly comments that are hurtful to infertile women. Many women get pregnant at the drop of the hat and this can cause big rifts and sometimes be the end of relationships between infertile and fertile women.
Recently when attending a course to do with the adoption process; it was clear that infertility was the elephant in the room. Obviously all of the attendees of the course had had their own struggles with infertility but it wasn’t discussed. I thought it was sad that we’d all been through this on our own. Surely infertility doesn’t need to be as lonely as it often is.
I consider myself to be at the end of my secondary infertility journey. I don’t want other women in the same boat to feel as alone and isolated as I did so I’ve started up an infertility support group that is open to all women who are either currently struggling with or are dealing with the aftermath of primary or secondary infertility. It is a women’s-only group, as I believe women feel infertility on so many levels – in mind, body and soul. Losing ones fertility is devastating to a woman but it is only something that other women who have experienced the same loss can truly understand. A woman’s despair around her infertility can impact a partnership or a marriage. Women need somewhere to share their infertility angst in private. Often men don’t need to analyse things as much as the infertile woman does! She needs to make sense of this injustice that is happening to her – and most of all – she needs to vent, be heard, understood and accepted for where she is at within her infertility journey.
At the time of writing I have had four phone-calls. Three from women very keen to attend the first meeting – and one from a member of another support group congratulating me on starting such a group. I know Nelson needs this group and I know there are many other women out there who are eligible to attend. Meetings are held monthly in town. Those interested can contact me by phone for further information.
I thank you for taking the time to read this letter and hope you will be able to pass on this information when relevant. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions about the group.
Regards,
Lynda
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