Wow, life is well and truly pretty busy for me right now. Never too busy for a blog update though! ;) It's still a very important part of my SIF healing to update my blog regularly. With every post I write, I feel one step further away from the pain of SIF and one step closer to calling our little family complete, regardless of what happens on the adoption side of things.
Our little family has just been away for three nights - just twenty minutes away at my Mum's holiday home. I still worked Sunday but there was a bit of time for some r & r. Admittedly I have been a bundle of nerves since I accepted my new job that starts tomorrow morning. It's not so much the job I am nervous about - more the juggling act that will come about (and that has already come about) as a consequence of taking on some more working hours.
I'm not sure sure how I will fit it all in - dates with my husband, gym time, housework, two part-time jobs, ferrying my daughter to Kindy and to her other activities, family time, downtime, ASD-related meetings and voluntary community stuff. It will be a stretch but it is doable - just!
I do believe in the saying: God never gives us more than we can handle. And I can handle my new change in routine. It will be hectic but I will make sure I keep things balanced as much as possible.
This afternoon my husband and I had one of our dates while our daughter was looked after by her respite carer. We went for a walk on the beach and then for coffee at a local cafe. We talked about the adoption process and how at this stage it's up to us how fast or slow the rest of the process goes. Ironically after three plus years of hoping for another shot at motherhood - we are leaning on the latter speed for the adoption process for us - we are taking our time with it. It's a timing thing. I'm starting a new job tomorrow that will eventually lead us to owning our own home. We have been waiting for a very long time for things to improve financially for us - now they have we'd like to be in the money as such for a little while to get us back on our feet.
I'd like to be reasonably settled in my new job too before approaching our bank for a home loan - which is part of the criteria anyway for getting a home loan (actually been in a job for a decent amount of time). A (the job) leads to B (the house) in our situation (and in many people's, of course). After B for us comes C - maybe - an adoptive child.
There is no doubt about it - we needed to be more financially secure before we could be prospective adoptive parents. It seems there is no time like the present to start preparing for a possible future with an adoptive child than now.
The only thing is if we get chosen by a birth family and I then have to give up my job - which I would - then we would obviously have to be careful how big of a mortgage we take on. We would be first-home owners anyway and my husband and I have agreed that we will have to have as low a mortgage as possible so that it could be covered by one income.
Ideally/originally I would have liked to have had two children close in age like the majority of families out there so I could have being an at-home Mum for x amount of years and then gradually returned to the work-force as the kids got older.
The way things have worked out have meant things have been a bit messy financially. But I do trust that God is paving the way for us - that I am meant to have this job which could lead to a house and which could lead to a baby. We will soon see!
I feel like I/we are on the brink of a new chapter. SIF is part of who I was for so long. But I have turned that around. I really do believe and feel that. A few months back I gave away my maternity gear to a second-hand store. It was a big step in my acceptance that I wouldn't have a bump again. Taking on this second job feels like another step in accepting that the whole two (biological) kids deal wasn't on the agenda for us. It's about me walking away from a dream and being ok with it. I am quite amazed that I feel quite settled within the aftermath of SIF.
It's going to be a busy week - I of course start my new job, have a meeting to go to tonight, have my book-club on one evening, a Kindy committee meeting, physio appointments at the gym (plus gym work-outs to squeeze in) plus all the usual Mum-stuff. I know once I've crossed off my first day and then first week in my new job I will start to adjust to my new routine.
Next weekend I'm away again - off to see Mamma Mia! the stage show with my Mum in Wellington! (yep - just me! - am leaving hubby and daughter behind!) I'm sure I'll slip in at least one more post before then. But I do plan to be extra-kind to myself and to have as many early nights as possible this week with all that is going on.
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