We had our second official appointment with Adoption Services - with our assigned Social Worker this morning. I have been quite nervous about the appointment and was quite churned up about it this morning but it went fine. It wasn't so bad once we were in there. We have our next appointment in two weeks - this time the social worker will meet us in our home.
I feel such a mix of feelings all over again. It is so hard to know how to feel so I guess I just have to go with how I feel at any given time within the adoption process. It felt really good to write about "envy" in my last post. I really needed to get it out. I cannot beat myself up for feeling envious at times of those women that have what I want - a second child. It is unfortunately part and parcel of the SIF deal. Show me a woman who doesn't get jealous of women with their completed families who is trying to start or complete her family - I find it hard to believe that such a woman exists.
I feel a bit more excited and hopeful about adoption today. My husband and I do both feel the adoption process is moving us somewhere - it might be to go down the fostering path - we will just have to wait and see. After our appointment today I thought - I think we both felt - that we are great parents. In many ways fostering is the obvious option - particularly from a social worker's perspective. My husband said it himself.
I feel some self-pride today. Proud that I went through SIF and allowed myself to be exactly where I needed to be throughout it all and that I am doing the same within the adoption process. There are ups and downs within the adoption process and I will just have to ride them out. It is so different to SIF in that it isn't about me personally anymore - it's not about my body and what it can't/didn't do. It's about us as a couple and what we can offer for a child who is being adopted - and what we can offer a birth family.
Our colourful pasts - divorced and blended families and the experience of going through SIF - not to mention raising a child with ASD (autism spectrum disorder) means we have been through a lot of loss and change and challenges already in our lives. We are equipped to take on a child that isn't biologically ours and all that comes with the triad of open-adoption. I feel excited in some respects that a birth family might come into our lives. Everything happens for a reason. I always believe that. If an adopted child comes our way; I believe we are meant to be connected to a birth family.
Anyway, after the appointment in two weeks time we will be close to finishing all our appointments! Our social worker said there may be some additional questions. So perhaps we will hear in August whether or not we have been accepted as prospective adoptive parents. When we have we can get on to writing our profile which should be in the prospective adoptive parents pool by October - if not earlier.
We bought a bed a couple of weeks ago - just a single one for our third bedroom. It feels as though someone is coming - that the bed will be used at some point. So our third bedroom is currently set up as my office/bedroom.
I phoned up the infertility specialists before who I saw in February...I am still waiting for my "closure letter" - five months later! Even though it is painfully obvious that I am in early menopause; my Dr and gynos won't treat me until I have such a letter to confirm that is what is going on. Plus I just really, really want the letter for closure reasons. AF has tried to come the last few months but to no avail. I think I might be close to being on the other side of going through menopause. I could be post-menopausal at 42 (you have to have 12 months of no periods to be classed as having gone through menopause). My symptoms continue to be aggravated when I am stressed and/or haven't had enough sleep or rest. But for the most part I am managing my symptoms 100% naturally and doing well. I probably need to have some bone density tests since I have been through menopause relatively young in life - I do believe I started menopause at the age of 38 - almost four years ago when we ironically started trying to conceive our second child.
I guess I am slowly getting the answers to some of the questions that have plagued me for a while. I feel some peace today. I will continue to stay close to God and to allow Him to show me the way. One. Day. At. A. Time.
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