We had our first session out of a series of appointments with our assigned Social Worker this morning. It went well. All the hairy questions that I thought would come up did come up. My husband and I were both open and honest around those. It felt good to be back in the game as such with the adoption process. The ball has really started rolling again as our next appointment is in two weeks time. Apparently there is now a time-line that the whole adoption process needs to be finished in. So we were lucky that we got the eight month break we needed within the adoption process before the time-line was introduced.
There were eight of us at the Nelson Infertility Support group last night. That is the biggest turn-out we've had yet since I started the group in October last year. It is pretty amazing to hear all the varying stories with the same underlying heartbreak in one room.
I have been busy at work and have had some big work issues of late which has been a big distraction from SIF/adding to our family. But I am on holidays as of yesterday for 10 days and am looking forward to my Dad, half-sister (8 yrs) and half-brother (5 yrs) coming to stay with us for 9 nights - and we're going away together for 3 nights Monday next week. It will be fun to have three kids in the house.
I guess watching others going through IF within the IF support group I started shows me just how far I've come. There is some distance now between myself and SIF though the desire for another child to be added to our family is always with me.
We have briefed our daughter about the adoption process. It seems unfair that a five year old on one hand has to hear about infertility. Yet on the other hand, I think our children learn from us - whatever life throws at us. So she knows her Mum has started a group to help women who cannot have children which I think is cool. Occasionally she does get a little upset about the whole deal and declares "But I want a sister!!" I asked her the other day why she wanted a sister and she said "So I can have a brand-new friend." Talk about pulling at the heart strings!! As I packed up her old clothes that don't fit anymore I told her they were going into the garage. And she said "For the child that might come." So I think she has a basic grasp of adoption - of what can be expected from a five year old, anyway.
I catch glimpses of our neighbours across the road with their newborn at their front window and that is a hard sight to see. Especially because their eldest daughter is the same age is my daughter and their second child is about three years old. Several Mums with five year olds have three kids around here. That just seems so unfair. I think women with two children are lucky but to have a third child - well, I find it hard still to be around women with multiple kids.
I guess I am doing ok. Just continuing to apply as much self-care as possible and to live for the day. I have been going to bed earlier for a few months now and that has really helped my state of mind. I think it has taken a while to unwind in the aftermath of SIF. I certainly didn't feel so jaded within our appointment with the social worker today as I probably did when we first started the adoption process. I feel a lot more healed/in a better place than I was eight months ago when we last saw our social worker. I also think I have given myself time to get through this so if we are picked by a birth family, I will be reasonably refreshed and not completely worn-out after over three years of SIF. I want to be feeling as good as possible when we enter the prospective adoptive parents pool. I know SIF will be there in the background - but I just want to move on from it as much as possible as we go through the rest of the adoption process.
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