I have resettled again within our decision to delay the adoption process - I do feel and believe very strongly it was the right thing to do, for so many reasons. Even though we aren't actively adding to our family - going through treatments or partaking in the adoption process at this point in time; our plans for the next twelve months are very much around pathing the way for another child to enter our family.
The basic time-line is as follows:
Oct 2009 - Oct 2010: I'm commiting to one year in my new job before going into the pool of prospective adoptive parents. (as once picked I will have to leave my job, possibly giving little notice and want to clock up a year minimum for CV purposes)
Late March 2010: Our daughter to start Mornings at school for her first term - til July 2nd.
April 2010: I would have been in my new job for six months so we will be able to apply for a home loan and therefore to start looking for a house! - a three-bedroomed one that will have a room for the child that will hopefully join us one day! Our daughter would have been in school for a few weeks/months by the time we find a house. She has ASD so change is big in her life. It will be good for her to be settled in school a bit before moving house. And then we'll have a few months in our new home together before the new addition hopefully arrives!
June 2010: I will contact our social worker and restart the adoption process - we'll continue assessments and interviews aiming to get our profile into the pool of prospective adoptive parents by October 2010!
Yep, I feel good about this. I believe God orchestrates things so they fall into place in the end. It seems like a long, somewhat complicated road to adding to our family that we've been on - yet it is our road, our journey - and obviously meant to happen this way.
Thursday night my husband and I looked after our neighbour's two month old so they could go to a movie. Our daughter was in bed so it was nice playing "babies" for a night. We both said we could see how easy it would be to form a bond with an adopted child - very easy - as we have one with the neighbour's daughter already. Our daughter is so besotted with her and loves it when we look after her here and there for small periods of time. It is not hard to imagine the three of us loving another family member.
I put up our recent professional family photos on the wall yesterday. It doesn't feel so wierd to have them up. For so long I couldn't do the professional family shots as I thought and felt there was someone missing. I do wonder if one day another little person will feature in our family photos but for now it is just the three of us - and that's okay. I feel as though we are moving forward as a family after months/years of being in standstill mode so that's a great feeling.
I have decided I will make an appointment with the infertility specialist I was referred to a few months back this year. I deferred my appointment because of finances - we were struggling financially for quite a few months - and just because of where I was at the time - not ready to face another specialist after the shoddy treatment I got from my gyno. But I am ready now to be told what is up with me. I want to and need to know. I cannot wait to have some closure on this part of my life for once and for all. I believe this is a big step in the whole adoption process as well - I need some time to sort out the last piece of my SIF puzzle. I am close to getting some answers - I can feel it.
I am trying to get over the fact that I will be looking at becoming a mother for the second time because of our adoption delays, at the age of 42 - it seems so old! I was an "older Mum" getting pregnant at 35 with my daughter - or so I thought at the time! I might be an older Mum but I am still a fun Mum. I do feel the pressure to be almost a super-Mum as a prospective adoptive mother and need to let go of that.
All the scrutiny through-out the adoption process brings up a lot of fears and concerns around not being good enough or should I say perfect enough to be adoptive parents. I have a few more months to deal with the emotional side of all this before getting back into the adoption process in June. It feels as though I am being really gentle with myself within the adoption process - instead of taking one year, it will take us two years which is okay, I think, given it is such a huge thing to go through.
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