Hmmm. Why is it that sometimes everybody seems to bloody-well be falling pregnant?! I find there are times when not much is going on out there on the preggars front - then suddenly it seems like I am surrounded by The Fertiles.
So I'm feeling quite triggered today. Triggered that yesterday when I was in the gym a staff-member was off in labour having her second child. Everyone was so excited for her...
Then yesterday someone I know fairly well emailed me a scan of her baby-to-be. A first time Mum, I understood her joy and wonderment. I was okay with it at the time but I do think emails containing scans of babies ought to be seriously thought about when forwarding them to an infertile woman.
One of my close friends is due any day now - with her first child. I am excited for her - but sad for me, as I guess every time someone shares about their baby news I am reminded that this is news I won't be experiencing myself again.
I received a text a couple of days ago from another close friend telling me she is pregnant with her first. She is rapt as it was an unexpected pregnancy, in a way. She emailed today to say her and her husband had given up this year after trying for "a long time." Six - eight months is a long time? Hmmm...
I'm just a bit hurt and angry that my friends don't seem to take my feelings into consideration when telling me their baby news. Direct communication is the best way to deal with things - always - and especially as far as infertility is concerned. So I would rather I was phoned than texted or emailed about pregnancy stuff. I guess it is up to me to communicate how comfortable I am or aren't around pregnancy disclosure. Why are people so clueless or blinded by their own baby joy that they seemingly lose any sense of discretion when dealing with infertile women??
If it had been just one lot of pregnancy news this week, I would have been fine. But three lots? - the woman in labour, the scan of a baby and a text announcing a pregnancy - all a bit much in the space of two days for this infertile!!
I have a week to get myself sorted before my Dr's appointment. I want to draft a letter and think very carefully about what I want to achieve from that appointment - the one which will hopefully be the beginning of me seeking closure from SIF. Perhaps I'm feeling more vulnerable at the moment as I am having to deal with facing the grim reality around SIF while others around me get to bask in the glory of a new life being created. I feel some tears welling and may have a little cry when my husband gets home. It seems everyone else - or at least, a lot of women have been drinking out of the same water - but me, I remain well and truly parched.
1 comment:
Yup. I know how that feels! I have 6 friends (maybe more - I quit counting awhile back) who either just gave birth, or are currently preggers. Two of them are from work, and it so happens that I'm moving into a job where they (pregnant friends) used to work. It's sort of a joke around our workplace that anyone who works in that space will automatically get pregnant by breathing the air in that particular room. I have no doubt that I will break the "curse" they're all joking about. It would be a miracle if I actually did get pregnant during this job. ;)
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