Back in counselling

When I went to see my GP a few months ago and was prescribed anti-depressants I was also referred for some free counselling. It took a while to get an appointment but I had a session yesterday.

It went well all in all. My counsellor is a trained psychotherapist and I like her. She seems to know what she's talking about. She recognised that I have been/am going through an identity crisis which can be broken into three areas: 1. infertility 2. menopause at an early age 3. a loss of my womanhood because of 1 and 2. We're going to be working through these issues for a few sessions - I have another appointment next week.

I asked about the anti-depressants as I was hoping to get off them after three months (which would be about the end of this month). She said she strongly recommended I stay on them for six to eight months. My herbalist also thought I should be on them for a while as did my GP. Apparently once you've had severe mood swings as I did for a prolonged period of time, your brain chemistry gets messed up and and it's hard to alter it. Anti-depressants essentially reprogramme the brain. (according to my counsellor's theory today). Interesting. I hadn't thought of it like that. I just thought that anti-depressants would put me on an even keel - which they have. I guess they are working. I just didn't want chemicals going into my body in the long-term as it's been a year of many drugs with an operation, and then several doses of provera, and clomid.

I've also been worried that my long-term use of anti-depressants may affect our adoption application - when they do the health checks with our family Dr. But today I was thinking well it's just where I am and so if that is seen as a negative factor; there is not much I can do about it.

This week has been a particularly busy one with my mum-in-law in town. Our daughter only sees her on average about once a year yet I was able to leave her with her Nana and do some grocery shopping this arvo which was great. I have had lots of proud Mummy moments of late as gymnastics and Kindy close down for the year. My daughter's come such a long way and is simply blossoming.

Life feels busy right now but in lots of good, positive ways. I really feel like I am living again and am grateful for the counselling to help me truly move on from SIF and to accept my fate of POF.