Not a comfy fit

For many years I was a bit of a gypsy. I moved from place to place for a good decade, and never owned much at all material-wise. In 2000 I bought my first ever couch - as a single woman. It was a momentous occasion for me as it was the beginning of my settling-down days.

I have been quite attached to that couch ever since. Even though it was second-hand and much loved when I initially got it.

However some family members (not in my little family) have made it perfectly clear they didn't like the couch and we have been offered replacements over the years (why what our couch looks like is so important to some; I will never understand!) For a long time I have stood my ground and said nope, I am not giving up my burgundy-velvet couch! Until a week ago.

I have felt like making some kind of a statement that I am leaving SIF behind and moving on to greener pastures. Replacing our couch seemed like a symbolic gesture.

Our new couch is a cane one dressed in cobalt blue. It looks nice. Arguably better than the burgundy-velvet one. But it isn't comfortable. It could be in time but at the moment it just feels so different to burgundy-velvet and I haven't yet adjusted to the change. I bought some new cushions to brighten it up further and although they help; I still can't quite find a comfortable spot on that couch. Burgundy-velvet sits in the garage; but I'm going to give cobalt blue-cane a good go!

This really is where I'm at with the whole open adoption process. I've put SIF in the garage, and am giving open adoption a good chance to feel comfy in my mind. I'm getting there but it most certainly is a process in which I need to give myself as much time as I need.

Open adoption doesn't feel comfy just yet. But I so want it to be. Just like the cobalt blue-cane couch!

Yet it feels as though another chapter is emerging on the whole praying for another shot at motherhood front. I applied for a job last week - just eleven hours a week - and it would fit in so well around the Kindy run. I have an interview tomorrow! (jobs are hard to come by in this town at this point)

On Sunday I wrote myself a few pages of goals. I have some creative goals in particular I really want to start the ball rolling on. One includes finally writing Another Shot At Motherhood - the book. It will essentially be based on this blog - that's almost two years worth of material I have to work with! I'm looking forward to sitting down and formulating the chapters and seeing it evolve. Very exciting.

I have been thinking approximately two and a half years from now our family will be complete - with or without another child. That's exciting too. Somehow having a cut-off date in the not-so-distant future is allowing me to formulate some other goals in life. I feel as though I am beginning to crawl out of the almightly standstill that was SIF.