Yesterday at work I helped a couple of families with painting their own ceramics. Both families wanted to do handprints of their babies. One family had come in before - they have two children. My usual wave of MOT- envy swept through my being. I cannot help but think What is wrong with me? Why couldn't I conceive another baby? whenever I see babies. After painting the ceramics the family of four went to the cafe for a while then towards the end (of their visit) the MOT came back with her nine month old baby for a bit of a chat.
She asked the question - Planning to have some more? (children). To which I replied we couldn't have any more but were looking into adoption. She initially said she was sorry (that we couldn't have any more biological kids) then we talked a little bit about adoption. I feel okay about being open about where I'm/we're at with things. I'm not doing it for sympathy - I'm doing it mainly because it helps me with my reality. I don't want to pretend the last two years haven't happened with SIF. Also I think it does somehow help bridge the gap a little between the infertiles and the fertiles telling it like it is.
Of course there were many times in my SIF journey that I didn't want to disclose the painful details of my ordeal to the fertiles out there. But now I'm ready. I actually felt quite good after talking to this MOT. She's lovely and also I could see she put herself in my shoes for a bit. Also people are often genuinely surprised when you say you can't conceive any more children after having had one. I kind of want to educate people a bit about SIF - when appropriate. That it is just something that unfairly happens to some women.
Our little family went to the Circus on Saturday. It was a great family outing and very entertaining. I could not help scan the audience checking out all the families - and there were heaps of family of fours. I look forward to the day when I no longer care how many children others have. Perhaps we will end up being a family of four ourselves. In a year or so things could be quite different.
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