We've had a great weekend as a family despite all the rain. Friday night my daughter's Kindy had a concert (performed by the four year olds) and a hangi followed. The concert was cute and my daughter's very good friend was there and came and sat on my knee while my daughter sat on my husband's knee. We were seated on the floor.
Her little sister (aged fourteen months) also came and sat with me for some of the concert so it was like being a family of three for twenty minutes or so! I especially liked having two little girls in my lap. I had nice warm fuzzy feelings come over me rather than the envy and misery that used to always overwhelm me during moments like that.
A MOTH-to-be said her daughter often talked about mine and said we should set up a playdate sometime. Initially I thought "no way" to myself as I have done for many months at the thought of socialising with a pregnant woman - especially one I don't really know. But then I thought "why not". This was the same MOTH-to-be who stated to me recently that I barely must remember what it's like to be pregnant since it had been a while. I have that in perspective now. I guess, because I haven't shared SIF with her, she has assumed I just don't want any more children.
Unfortunately the food side of the Kindy get-together was a big flop. It was a hangi which is how New Zealand maoris cooked food in days gone by - in a big hole in the ground which is heated with very hot rocks. It is kind of like cooking a roast underground. Hangis are still part of our New Zealand culture and pop up here and there though I have to admit I personally haven't been to that many. So I was really looking forward to tasting food cooked in a hangi again. (it has a real "earthy" flavour). Unfortunately the ground wasn't heated up enough so the food was cold basically when they pulled it out. We could have taken the food away to heat up at home with us but decided to go to a school fair instead.
It was after 6.30pm by the time we got to the fair which is the time our daughter is usually in her PJs. So she had lots of fun on the bouncy castle, mini ferris-wheel and playing in the playground. And we met her good friend and little sister there so they all had fun running around together in the twilight.
Saturday morning we headed out to the A&P (Agricultural and Pastoral associations) show while the weather was okay. There were a few spits of rain and we left when it really came down. We spent three hours there walking around as a family of three. We had lunch, visited the animal nursery (where I got to hold my first ever baby chicken!), our daughter had a pony ride, a mini-ferris wheel ride and a go on the bouncy castle. We bought her an inflatable My Little Pony which she adores and has taken to bed with her for the last two nights. We bumped into various people we knew here and there and went inside caravans and motorhomes and saw llamas, sheep and goats. Your typical A&P show in lots of ways. It definitely is a fun thing to do now our daughter is a little older and can just walk around with us (as opposed to being pushed in a buggy).
After the A&P show we headed to my Mum's holiday home for the night. As always it was so nice to our daughter getting excited when she sees Nana.
Sunday (today) I worked. It was a good day at work - really busy so I was in the gallery selling pottery, helping children out with painting ceramics and in the cafe clearing tables/running out coffees and doing the dishes. My husband and daughter came in fifteen minutes before I finished. It was so nice to have my wee daughter walk in and say "Hi Mummy!" like the big girl she is. I got the slops bucket and gave it to my husband and daughter to give to Katie the pig to feed. We treated ourselves to fish n' chips for tea tonight which was nice - haven't done the takeway thing for a while.
So all in all I feel like I'm in a good space. Just enjoying my life as it is today. I seem to have a lot of social stuff going on and had to say I couldn't go to a couple of things this week as I was starting to feel like I was out more than I was in! Somehow, through all the SIF shit I managed to make friends. So I can't have been a complete ball of misery.
I am continuing to share our adoption plans with friends and (extended) family when it feels right to. I really think I needed to have healed quite a bit around SIF before getting here (being more open) as sometimes people do assume you are over it all - the fact you can't have another biological child - when in fact it still hurts somewhat. I believe the hurt is fading in my case. But at the same time, if appropriate, I do want to share a shortened version of my SIF story with people when adoption comes up because I did go through so much to get here. One day I know it won't matter - the SIF stuff will fade into the background. But right now I'm in a place of telling people what it was/is like to be an SI.
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