Moving forward - what a relief!

After yesterday's appointment with Adoption Services, I do feel like I have well and truly moved on from TTC our second child. It is a huge relief. I guess on some level I knew I was barking up the wrong tree for a while so it's quite freeing to be off the merry-go-round of SIF as such.

I'm starting to process the last two years. I knew I would come out of it all one day feeling stronger - and I do! Amazing considering just six weeks ago I was at my Dr's in tears and was prescribed "happy pills". No doubt the happy pills have helped me get things in perspective and helped me let go of my dreams of another biological child. I have certainly enjoyed not having mood swings for the last few weeks.

I'm off to see my herbalist again this afternoon for a free half hour consult as she really wanted to see me again. No sure what it's all about! She had to rush off to a hair appointment after my consult with her last time so perhaps she wants to talk about things a bit more - not sure.

Someone I vaguely know who heard about our adoption plans commented yesterday how she knew of someone who fell pregnant - several times - after adopting. No doubt I'm going to hear that comment a bit over the next few months. Maybe it's possible for a menstruating woman but not me. It frustrates me that comment, actually. The same woman also said that specialists know a lot these days to help infertiles to which I muttered "Depends on who you get!"

I think my Dr and gyno have been hopeless, quite frankly, around dealing with my ovarian failure half-diagnosis. I can't turn back time of course but I think if I knew then what I know now I would have gone to a decent fertility specialist, even one out of Nelson, very early on - as soon as my periods started stretching out. This is all part of me processing the last two years - putting all the pieces together in my head so I can truly move on. I trust in God's timing and I was only ever meant to do and know what I did throughout my SIF days. Clearly I was never meant to have another biological child. And now that I can see and feel that; I feel more peace than I have for a very long time.