Yesterday we had our second appointment with a paediatrician up at Nelson hospital. The first one two months ago was when our daughter's diagnosis of ASD (autism spectrum disorder) was made. This was just a half-hour follow-up appointment. My husband and I just shared how things have been since the ASD diagnosis which is pretty good all in all.
There are a couple of areas we've been stuck on behaviour-wise and when we shared these with the paediatrician he could see why we'd be stuck given some of the "quirks" of ASD. He said it's best to talk to others who've had the experience raising children with ASD or Aspergers Syndrome. So I have a phone number of the woman who organises the support group (in which only me and one other new-comer turned up last month) and another organisation to contact - parent-to-parent which matches you with families in the same boat if possible.
I felt pretty good when we came out of the appointment. We struggle around some stuff but all in all our daughter is thriving. My husband mentioned in the appointment that our daughter is starting to spell out loud and the paediatrician was taken aback a little with that since she is only three (and a half). He said that was quite advanced for her age. It was nice to share where she is overall because she is one happy, fun and bright child. It made me feel quite proud of her - and us - to be able to say this.
SIF eats at the core of your being and there have been many times over the last couple of years that I have questioned my parenting skills. I have thought perhaps I was a crap parent and that's why I wasn't one of the chosen fertiles (by God). I have always been able to recognise how great my husband is as a parent but I am very good at beating myself up. But I know we have both done well raising our daughter and it hasn't always been easy. There will no doubt always be challenges with her ASD but then what parent isn't challenged along the way?
It has been a busy few weeks. There is lots of social stuff going-on and between my daughter and I, quite a few appointments. Yesterday I popped into my herbalist to pick up some pills I ran out of and she didn't have any in stock! She said she'd call me when they were in - in the next two days or so. I actually drive especially into town to get them - parked the car and all that. After the note-losing episode and now this, I have lost the faith with my herbalist just a little bit. I know she knows her stuff and all that yet I am someone who notices the little things when it comes to service/businesses such as being prepared for a clients needs and having all her supplies in store.
It's great to have a bit going on right now. I feel as though I have a life outside of SIF - or at least, the aftermath of SIF. There are going to be painful moments for a while I'd say. Like yesterday after my daughter's gymnastics class I heard my MOT friend telling someone she had no free time with two children and it was really hard. My stomach lurched yet at the same time; I know she is exhausted and desperately needs a time-out. But it's hard for her to tell me that directly and for me to hear it. The big difference of late is I am not consumed by my grief. It's there but I can feel it and then carry on with my day. Once upon a time I used to be paralysed by it. So that's gotta be progress.
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