One Day At A Time

Once again I am feeling the best way to "be" right now is just ODAT (one day at a time). I'm in this kind of limbo space where one door has been closed with TTC our second child and the next door has opened slightly regarding adoption. I can't open the door completely until next Marchish when the ball will really start rolling.

So in the meantime it's a time of just trying to be. If the POF or SIF grief comes up; then I will feel it. But it's also a time of enjoying the simple things in life. I am usually someone who does enjoy little pleasures such as a cup of herbal liquorice tea, the sound of birds twittering (as they are right now) and walks out in nature. SIF threatened to take that basic enjoyment away from me. My ability to just "be" was challenged a lot but there were times I was able to just stop amidst the pain and heartache. This is what contentment is about to me - just being able to enjoy and appreciate my life as it is today.

Yesterday a woman from CDS (Child Development Services) came around to assess our daughter. She brought a box of toys around and interacted with her and asked me some questions. The outcome was that she - just like the Head Teacher Kindy thinks - our daughter could benefit with some help from special education/a teachers aide. This is mainly for social guidance. Intelligence-wise our daughter is doing fine and is slightly more advanced than her peers in some areas.

The specialists along the way have been impressed with what we've done to help our daughter. A lot of what life is like with an ASD child is pre-empting situations in regards to her emotional state. My daughter has trouble self-regulating their moods (but not always) so it is often obvious that a visit to town or a playdate kept short. Sometimes melt-downs are unavoidable and yesterday she screamed after she fell over at the end of Kindy and didn't stop until I settled her down with a DVD and a home-made apple-juice ice-block. It was one of her more extreme meltdowns.

Obviously as she gets older we won't always be around to pre-empt scenarios so the woman from CDS wants to work with us in helping her self-regulate. She's coming back in four weeks and in the meantime wants to construct a chart with pictures on it giving her options for activities to do after Kindy which is her tired time of the day and often when she loses it.

I went to a farewell do for a former work colleague last night. I have dreaded going back to this workplace for fear of the When are you having more kids? question. I got asked that a lot when I dropped in before TTC our second child and our daughter was quite young and just didn't want to go there when in the throes of SIF. I only got asked if I had any more kids last night by one person and I just left it at a simple no.

The woman from CDS also asked the same question - which she has to for her records. But still. No doubt the words "only child" are written in my daughter's file. It is has nothing to do with her diagnosis but there is a stigma about it somehow - the lonely only child and all that. However I know my daughter's life is far from lonely. She has periods of time of being bored at home (what child doesn't?) but for the most part she is stimulated and enjoys life. If anything it is me that thinks she is lacking because she doesn't have a sibling. But my daughter at this stage is not bothered by her "only child" status at all.