There are women out there who identify!

Desperate to connect with women going through this; I signed up with a couple of forums last night. I never thought I'd become one of "those" people as something about it does seem quite lonely and desperate. But the truth is I am both lonely and desperate at this point. From experience, I know that support groups are very effective. I figure cyber support groups do have their place. However admittedly I stayed up way too late last night setting myself up. I am going to have to put some personal boundaries into place so that I don't abuse this new-found support.

Although I am relieved to find there are women out there who identify with me because they are going through similar things; I feel sad that the three women I describe as my closest friends in the world cannot share this journey with me on a deep level. The reason why is we are all in very different places: Friend no.1 is newly pregnant, friend no. 2 is experiencing primary infertility, and friend no.3 is getting married next year and won't be trying for kids for a little while. I have had parallels with all three women around all sorts of things over the years but right now secondary infertility has somehow distanced me from all of them. I try to share as openly and honestly as possible with all three women, but it is a case of empathy only really being possible from those in the same boat. Although friend no.2 and I are going through many of the same processes, we cannot completely connect because of the fact I am a Mum already and I feel guilty about sharing my pain with her.

I cried first thing in the morning in the shower yesterday after getting friend no. 1's pregnancy news and last thing at night. It seems to have brought up a new layer of grief.

I'm continuing to read The Secret even though it is a hard read this time round. I'm having to accept that I have some pretty awful thoughts going on in my head around this and that is hard to see. I really want to be positive, optimistic and hopeful yet at the same time need to feel my feelings.

It's a beautiful Summer's morning - the sun is shining through our kitchen window, reflecting on to a gorgeous bunch of flowers our neighbour picked from her garden a couple of days ago. Moments like this remind me that my Higher Power loves me and does have a wonderful plan for me with all this. It is just going to happen in his way and in his time.