Although I am struggling somewhat with living with a hormonal imbalance; I do know that it is in the process of being sorted out. I have a lot more acceptance around where things are at and am being really gentle with myself at a time in which I am emotionally vulnerable. Some days it feels as though the extra loving care I give myself makes no difference; other days I can feel a shift in my being.
Today is one of those days. I have woken up feeling at peace with it all which is a priceless place to be in. There is a lot of stuff yet to be worked out still but it is all happening in God's time. I am very much one for forcing solutions or hurrying processes along. Yet I have to just accept that things are being worked out in God's time.
There are so many little steps along the way to get from A (where I am now) to B (getting my hormones sorted out). I've taken Provera for the last three days (seven more days to go) to bring along AF. Then on day three of my next "cycle" I'm going in for another round of blood tests (including FSH). I will schedule in an appointment with my Dr a few days after the blood tests so I can talk about my options/diagnosis in regards to hormonal imbalance/infertility. So there is a plan - it's just going to take another two weeks from this point to get to my Dr's appointment. Patience is a virtue!...
The Dr's appointment is going to coincide with my 40th birthday. Luckily, despite the roller-coaster ride of the last few months in particular, I was able to plan some birthday celebrations. So two weeks today I have a Girls Night Out planned. There are around sixteen of us going out - doing Bodyjam at the gym, then going out for dinner and dancing. The next day I have a brunch at work (where I work on Sundays) with ten family members and close friends. I'm so glad I'm able to celebrate midst the crossroads I'm at at this point.
Yesterday I went into town while my daughter was at Kindy and browsed around the woman's clothing stores for a new outfit for my night out. I didn't find anything but will try again next week at some different shops. I missed my daughter's company yesterday as I left her for an hour and a half at Kindy. She had a great time and her confidence is growing every time she goes. It was strange being in town without a feisty three year old to run after - it might take me a few weeks to get used to this new-found "me-time." Not that I'm not enjoying it, don't get me wrong. I've just spent every week day for the last three and a half years with my daughter so I'm still adjusting to the change in our weekly schedule.
A shift has definitely occurred for me within motherhood. Up until two weeks ago I took care of my daughter all week except for Sundays, when I go to work. Now that she is in Kindy, she is being looked after/taught by four/five different Kindy teachers three afternoons a week. This has given the two of us a new level of independence. As a Mum it reinforces my role to guide her in life - to help her spread her wings and gain confidence in different situations. But it is like a wee goodbye on some level. There is some grief yet I have so much pride for my daughter as she blossoms into a little girl, even without me right my her side.
1 comment:
Great post! I so feel like you do with always wanting to push to make things happen. My favorite quote from an Indigo Girls song 'It's Alright' is as follows:
"It seems easier to push than to let go and trust but it's alright
When we get a little distance some things get clearer
Give em the space our hearts grow nearer I ran as hard as I could and still ended up here
but it's alright"
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