It feels as though I'm finally getting some answers for several big questions I've had hovering over me for quite some time. Firstly there's my hormonal imbalance which has been confirmed via one round of blood tests (still waiting to do round two). Secondly the social issues with my daughter have finally been addressed as she was given a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder this week.
It is only early days for both lots of news so there is lots of processing going on with me. Yesterday after I dropped my daughter off at Kindy, a MOT in the carpark asked what was wrong with my daughter. She'd overheard me talking to the Head Teacher and was checking in that everything was okay. She then said "I thought you were going to have another one" - as in child, of course. So then I disclosed that I had been going through SIF for the last two years to which she replied "It's not a very good time for you, is it?" Well, no, it hasn't been the best of times but things are definitely on the up.
Getting answers involves being real with what is going on yet at least it does mean I can start moving forward. It was actually when I was flailing about in no-mans land with SIF and my daughter's social stuff was undiagnosed that things were really hard. I'm still just as emotional but in the process of letting go of months of stress and tension, I believe. Because now that I pretty much know what is going on with everything, I can feel my feelings around it all, if that makes sense.
Already I am reluctant to share my daughter's diagnosis with all and sundry. It isn't anything to be ashamed of yet people like to label and there is room for it becoming a negative. My husband and I have pretty much agreed we'll share our daughter's diagnosis on a need-to-know basis. Tricky for me though as I am quite an open book. But I don't think every parent I cross paths with needs to know what's going on.
I shed a lot of tears yesterday. In some ways it's like a release of all the tension I've felt around my daughter's social stuff these last few months as it hasn't been easy on top of my hormonal imbalance/SIF. Of course there is some sorrow midst my daughter's diagnosis. It has been a challenge and a lot of hard work for me monitoring her socially. I've had angry parents, upset children, and judgemental adults out there to deal with along the way. The paediatrician gave me a folder for Autism New Zealand Inc which is essentially a support group so I will look into signing up with them as it looks like it will definitely be worthwhile and I'm not shy when it comes to signing up with support groups.
I took my last Provera pill last night (after a 10 day course) so waiting for AF to arrive now. Last time on Provera AF was here by the time I took my last pill so hopefully she comes soon. I'm really keen to keep things moving and have my blood tests on day three of my next cycle so I can start sorting out this hormonal imbalance of mine.
2 comments:
It's good that your daughter is diagnosed early - and is getting her needs addressed. My cousin has autism and she is 5 years old now but was diagnosed at 3. Her parents tell me she is doing well because she was diagnosed so early. Hugs*
Sometimes just knowing what you're dealing with makes things a bit easier. Wishing you lots of luck!
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