I feel a bit flat this morning. The good thing is I'm starting to see that my mood swings aren't just because of the whole infertility deal. Now that I have decided to believe that another baby is a possibility for us, it is clear that my moods are independent of what is going on in my life. Sure, all the TTC negativity of late doesn't help, but it is more than that. It really is time to get this hormonal imbalance of mine sorted out.
A little plan is emerging around this. Today I'm going to go to the chemist to get another round of Provera (I already have the script from last time). AF was due last Wednesday and hasn't arrived. So I'm just going to do it - take the Provera and hope AF comes so I can do my day three FSH tests shortly afterwards. Once I get my blood tests back I am going to go into my Dr to talk about the medical options for correcting my hormonal balance. I don't want to do HRT (hormone replacement therapy) but I know there are hormonal supplements you can take. I need to go in and get my Dr's perspective I think. In the meantime I feel my first port of call is with this healer lady recommended by a friend so if I like the sound of her over the phone, I will make an appointment. I'll phone around a few herbalists as well.
Funds are limited but I wouldn't mind giving acupuncuture a go. I did the whole acupuncuture and herbs thing the first year of TTC no. two baby. Neither worked for me then. I didn't trust my acupuncturist or my herbalist though back then - I simply didn't really believe they could help me. The reason why is they were both so off the mark around where I was at - neither believed my irregular cycles could be indicative of premature menopause. "You're too young" they declared and even though I wanted to believe them; I knew my cycles that were becoming further and further apart were happening because of an underlying medical/biological reason. This time round I would choose professionals that are able to approach my situation in a optimistic, yet realistic fashion.
It is a time of getting things back in balance. As I start to unravel the mess that has been my rocky emotional world for the last almost two years, other parts of my life are starting to swing back into balance. Last night hubby and I played a round of Scrabble. Time together that isn't in front of the tv or computer screens (on our respective computers that sit side by side) is a rare thing so I am trying to make a real effort to make quality time for us.
Almost two years of been in the infertility wars is like being hit by a bus in a sense. I am now giving myself some time to heal after the accident. It does feel like a much-needed slow and gentle period of recovery has just started.
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