Happy Birthday To Me!

My second appointment with the "healer lady" has been prosponed til next Tuesday as she has a cold. I'm a little disappointed as I was looking forward to seeing her today, on my birthday. Oh well, now I'll be able to go to a cafe and perhaps a walk on the beach instead while my daughter's at afternoon Kindy. It will be good to just chill out as I have been racing around a bit getting everything organised for my 40th celebrations this weekend.

I do feel a sense of excitement at turning 40. It's an opportunity to start a new chapter for once and for all. I feel as though I am in a very different place around the whole TTC deal. It's like it isn't relevant to me right now. I missed the boat around when I thought I'd have a second child, so it's a case of accepting that it didn't happen for me. I really believed for a while that I would have a second child by the time I reached 40.

It is hard to explain but there is a big shift going on in regards to just accepting what has happened and moving on from there. I have not given up TTC - I am just approaching it in a very different way. It truly is about handing my baby wishes over to God now while trusting that it could happen for me. But this desire to have another baby doesn't feel as desperate as it once did. God has made it clear that my priority is sorting out some of issues that have come up as a consequence of SIF. All I have to do is follow God's lead - there may be a baby at the end of it all, afterall.

I kind of feel like I'm at Point A and have been walking up an enormous mountain to get to Point B. I'm nearing the summit but how much longer it'll take to get to the top, I'm not sure. I'm just taking it one step at a time.

My thoughts on turning 40? It's just for me about celebrating my life as it is today - and all the wonderful experiences I've had. My friends, my family, my adventures around the globe, my creativity, life in Nelson - and everything in between. When I turned 30 I felt my confidence and self-assurance as a woman changed. The same can be said about turning 40. Brighter days are just around the corner. They may have in fact already begun.