Turning inwards for guidance

My gyno finally called me back yesterday. I initially called him three weeks ago to touch base around things. He's only in his surgery a couple of times a week so chances of catching him are pretty slim since he's often busy with clients when I call. He did phone me back last week but I was out and he'd left when I phoned him back. It always feels like a small miracle when I get to have an actual phone conversation with him (rather than talking to his receptionist or receiving letters in the mail).

I'm so glad that I decided that the medical perspective is just that - the medical perspective. Otherwise yesterday's phone-call would have well and truly put a downer on things. Basically my gyno said my high FSH levels were indicative of premature menopause and that he would need to consult with another Dr as to what comes next if my next round of bloods come back with high FSH levels. He wasn't sure if it was worthwhile putting me on Clomid again and said my FSH levels were too high for IVF.

Hello - I know this already. Thank God for the internet as I am up to speed around what my medical options are. It really seems as though I am several steps ahead of my gyno. It is me who has pushed for the blood tests through my Dr. When I said I had organised to do day three bloods next cycle he said to make sure a copy of the results was sent to him. Say what?! Of course I have planned for that already, but it feels as though I am leading the way with things, rather than my gyno.

He did say that during my surgery my ovary looked good, but said perhaps it wasn't functioning. (afterall).

Admittedly, the phone-call with my gyno yesterday has brought me down a notch. Yet I'm still coaxing myself through all this medical negativity and trying to focus on the possibility that another baby could still come along.

In the meantime I have started phoning around, looking for some "alternative" help. I talked to a woman yesterday who does "body talk" and massage. I talked to her for a bit and it sounds as though she recommends her clients with hormonal imbalances like myself work with a herbalist/naturopath while seeking treatment from her. So I really think the next step for me is going back to the herbs etc to get my hormones in balance. Like it or not, my reality is that my hormones are off balance and I won't feel on an emotional even keel until I get those sorted out. This woman mentioned that too - that from her own personal experience of being hormonally imbalanced she felt flat with no libido until she sought help. That is where I'm at. It seems I have to work pretty hard to erect myself emotionally and sexually these days.

I'm not sure I will actually use the services of this woman I spoke to. I have the number of a "healer" who a friend saw when she had problems TTC her first child. I will try her next on the phone. I will also try some of the highly recommended herbalists in the region. I saw one just before I conceived my daughter when I had painful periods; she was great. So I'll definitely give her a call.

Thank goodness God has been guiding me to get myself sorted out. If I'd been waiting around for my gyno's input, I would be well and truly devastated right now. He mentioned it would take around four weeks to get a letter/phone-call back from the Dr he is planning to consult with after my next round of bloods. So I'm glad I have let go of expecting the medical world to resolve my hormonal/infertility issues right now.

The main focus right now is getting me sorted out. I didn't have an early night last night as I stayed up to watch the final of The Batchelor (oh why, oh why!). I'm jaded today - I should have known better. Early nights certainly help so I will try to have them as much as possible.