Praying for another shot at motherhood: Eckhart Tolle

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Eckhart Tolle

I know a few women in the infertility communities on Dailystrength are reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I don't have that book but have Stillness Speaks on my bookshelf. Today I opened it to:
Surrender comes when you no longer ask, "Why is this happening to me?"
Now that's something to aspire to!

No comments:

My back story

July 04: Pregnancy confirmed at age thirty-five after just three months of TTC using natural fertility methods (charting cycles etc). Textbook cycles, ovulation obvious.
March '05: Daughter delivered via emergency c-section at thirty-six years old. Right ovary removed in same operation after three weeks of severe undiagosed pain from thirty-seven weeks.
September '06: Started TTC for #2 child at age thirty-eight. Daughter eighteen months old.
December '06: Had a chemical pregnancy, ending at 6wks.
April - November '07: Took herbs, vitex, and vitamin supplements under the direction of a herbalist. Had regular two weekly acupuncture appointments at the same time.
December '07: A 5cm cyst was discovered on my only ovary (left) via an ultrasound.
Feb '08: Took Provera to bring on a "fake period" which worked.
March '08: First round of Clomid (50mg) didn't result in ovulation. Second round of Clomid taken late March '08 before bloods back from first round of Clomid, ovulation questionable.
April '08: Went in for another pelvic ultrasound to check status of cyst. Had grown to 6.5cm.
May '08: Had laparotomy/two x Ovarian cysts removed Thurs May 8th. In hospital three nights.
June '08: A day 21 progesterone test confirmed I didn't ovulate in my 1st cycle post-op. On stand-by to take Clomid.
July '08: Started 2nd round of Provera (5mg) 1/7/08. Took for 10 days, AF arrived. 11/7/08 started round three of Clomid (50mg). Recent blood test results revealed a FSH of 86. "Consistent with ovarian failure."
Aug '08: A day 21 progesterone test confirmed I didn't ovulate in my 2nd cycle post-op on 50mg of Clomid. (Round three). Took 3rd round of Provera (5mg) to bring on AF for more bloods: it failed; no AF. 1st appointment with a natural healing therapist/vibrational healer 19/8/08.
Sept '08: Started 4th round of Provera (10mg) 5/9/08 - failed again - no AF. 23/9/08 - started taking S.S.R.I (anti-depressants). Stopped seeing vibrational healer.
Oct '08: Starting seeing a herbalist again to deal with hormonal imbalance/ovarian failure. Conception stated to be very, very unlikely now.
Nov '08: 3/11/08 went into adoption services for an informal chat. The ball has started rolling for the adoption process!
Dec '08: In counselling (for the second time in 2008). AF arrived after a six month absence. Bloods revealed a FSH of 18 and oestradiol of 382.
Jan '09: 2nd AF visit in a row after a six month absence. Waiting for an appointment with an infertility specialist in Christchurch which was recommended via letter from my gyno.
Feb '09: 3rd visit from AF in a row (arrived Day 20).
March '09: 4th visit from AF in a row. Cancelled appointment with infertility specialist.
April '09: Information Meeting for prospective adoptive parents. No AF this month - and no I'm not up the duff! 27/4/09: posted off application for adoption assessment.
May '09: Went into (free) marriage counselling
June '09: Saw a clairvoyant - he claimed a girl to be "placed" in our family and to be open-minded about how that would happen (watch this space!)
July '09: Got letter indicating tentative dates for Education and Preparation Programme (for adoption) are 28th August and 18th September
August '09: Mysterious swelling going on in my abdominal region - utrasound and no cyst. AF arrived fleetingly after a five month absence. August 28: Part I of the Education and Preparation Programme
September '09: Started an Infertility Support Group. Monthly meetings for women only. First meeting Wednesday 7 October. Sept 10th: had Chi Nei Tsang treatment (body work and massage on the abdomen which emphasizes moving chi energy to the abdominal organs).
October '09: 1st October: debrief with appointed social worker about the Education and Preparation Programme. AF arrived. (first decent visit in six months)
November '09: 3rd November talked to social worker and delayed the adoption process - picking it up again approximately June 2010.
December '09: Had SIF closure appointment with Dr and AF made a fleeting one-day appearance followed by a light bleed for a few days.
January '10: Starting round four of counselling related to SIF. AF arrived and stuck around for a full cycle!
February '10: Feb 12th appointment with infertility specialist to seek closure/answers around SIF - perimenopause informally confirmed as a result of losing my right ovary five years ago when my daughter was born. More blood tests to be done. AF popped in for another visit.

March '10: Blood test results revealed ovarian reserve is not good but "normal for a woman your age."
April '10: Asked for letter from infertility specialist outlining diagnosis and recent blood results. Restarted adoption process.

June '10: Sent off application and financial assessment forms to Adoption Services.
July '10: Appointments with assigned social worker about above forms at Adoption Services - July 7th and July 22nd
August '10: August 5th - assigned social worker came round to our house for a visit. Final appointment with social worker on August 26th where we were unofficially told that we have been accepted as prospective adoptive parents.
September '10: September 23rd - received official letter that we have been accepted as prospective adoptive parents!

October '10: AF popped by after an eight-month absence - for a very short visit!

November '10: November 18th - emailed profile to social worker to check! November 23rd - Social Worker received profile! Expected to go into pool for prospective adoptive parents before Christmas 2010!

December '10: December 10th - 2nd draft of profile emailed to social worker. December 15th/16th - 2nd draft amended and profile printed out. December 21 - letter sent to confirm that our profile has been accepted! :)

January '11: January 8th: Our cat, Warren, aged 11, died.

February '11: February 17th: Dropped off last bit of adoption paperwork. Feb 24th: wee visit from AF - last visit four months ago

May '11: Proper visit from AF. 20 May - appointment with Dr in town around menopause.

Oct '11: (Adoption) profile sent to Dunedin to be viewed by a Birth Mother, along with several other profiles from around the South Island. Profile returned.

Dec '11: Tripped and fell and broke my arm at the elbow in November. Ended up having a three hour plate surgery. Adoption plans on hold until next year while arm heals.

Feb '12: Adoption file updated and reopened.

April '12: Adoption file expired. Our journey is officially over.