The long-term affects of infertility

I'm beginning to think that the longer you are in the infertility game, the more likely other aspects of your life come under threat. What I mean by that is the grind of infertility takes away your dreams and hopes, and affects relationships with your nearest and dearest - if you let it.

A few months back I recognised I was at crisis point and have been working hard to turn things round. But I am still challenged by a lot of my personal stuff that seems to have been unearthed during this time of uncertainty in my life. I feel a lot stronger these days but kind of like I have all my balls in the air and am having to regroup them all before they can land, if that makes sense.

Infertility has forced me to reassess many aspects of my life. This seems to be coinciding with turning 40 in August. I know when I turned 30 I went through a big internal overhaul and it feels as though a similar process is going on now.

I feel at this stage in my life I have more self-honesty than ever as well as the confidence and focus to put some dreams into action, if I really want to. It's all good. I know I will come out of this stronger, lighter, and more content - eventually.

I commented to friend no.1 today in an email that I think I am getting my why answered with secondary infertility - as in why is this happening to me? It's because it's a time of healing and growth. I wouldn't be going through all this had I become pregnant in a flash. God is definitely in the equation. Nothing happens in his world by mistake - He knows how to push my buttons and they are certainly being pushed right now!