My Bodycombat class last night did do the trick, actually. I felt a lot better after that.
Yesterday I was consumed by my grief and was worried on some level that this would continue. However I did wake up today with some peace in my heart. As I mentioned yesterday, I figured I was either ovulating or not and cannot do much about it if I'm not. (which I'm not just in case you're tuning in at this point).
So I'm back to living in limbo-land around my fertility issues. I've decided I really want my infertility to take a back-seat at this time (if possible). It's like at a deeper level I'm getting that all I can do right now is live my life as best as I can on a daily basis - yep, the old One Day At A Time again. I don't want days like yesterday which take me out of my present and affect my enjoyment of life. I had a day in which I was mainly emotionally unavailable to my daughter and that's no good for Mothers Guilt (MG), let alone hugely unfair on my daughter.
I'm going to make an effort to slip mediation into my day more. I'm learning that can just be about sitting still for a few moments. I've really being clicking with Eckhart Tolle's spiritual teachings via the book Stillness Speaks. I know it works, living in the Now. A lot of peace can come out of embracing the present. So that's my challenge - to live in the Now rather in the What if? around my fertility.
"The human condition: lost in thought" from Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle
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