I have been feeling some grief today around my unsuccessful first round of Clomid. I guess it's only natural to feel some disappointment, fear, and hurt around it not working. However AF came naturally, and ovulation perhaps did occur (I don't know for sure) so I know it wasn't a complete write-off.
I'm determined to be as positive as possible at this time yet appreciate the assortment of feelings that come with infertility (IF) will continue and I cannot pretend I don't feel them when they come up. I know I was quite depressed for quite some time around my predicament and feel I have been fighting IF tooth and nail for the last few months. I'm hoping I have had my share of dark times with it all. From what I've read about IF, it sounds like going through a depressed phase is not at all uncommon.
Today I have felt vulnerable around Mum-of-twos (MOTs). I had the usual Playgroup overload this morning. This afternoon I bumped into a MOT I used to work with a few years ago with her four week old. I also sighted a (Dad-of-two) DOT-to-be that I know from my daughter's music classes. It is very hard to not have The Green-Eyed Monster flare up when you are faced with the very thing you want so badly. It's similar to the predicament of the broken-hearted who are plagued with love songs on the radio and sightings of loved-up couples everywhere.
Anything's possible came to mind today. I don't know the how's and when's or even the why's with all this. But my desired outcome is still possible. I just don't always believe that. I have three rounds of Clomid to take and will start round two tonight. At least AF is heavy enough to be a period and isn't just spotting and came naturally. I'm grateful for that much today.
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