Bummed out

I'm really feeling my feelings at the moment. There is some grief to process. I hate this part. I feel like I am somehow letting myself down - and others - when I'm right in my grief. I want to be optimistic and upbeat yet there are elements of IF that are incredibly frustrating.

Like I phoned my gyno surgery today to see if my blood results were in yet for last weeks progesterone test (which should reveal whether or not I ovulated). "You're jumping the gun" was the rude receptionists response. "With Easter, all blood results won't be in til late this afternoon. " Well excuse me for not being in sync with the way things run in your surgery! I explained I had started round two of Clomid, even though I don't have the blood results. If I had waited until the blood results were in, I would have missed a whole cycle. Infuriating! So if it turns out I didn't ovulate, and the dosage of Clomid needs to be upped, I may possibly have to stop taking the Clomid this cycle - I'm not sure. Fingers crossed I ovulated.

I feel like I need to have a wee cry before I can get excited (?) about the next round of Clomid. I find the times when the grief is really up there the most lonely. I wish I had someone to call who understood. But I have Dailystrength. At least I know the women in the infertility communities identify with me. I popped in on friend no.4 after my daughter's swimming lesson this morning but she was out. It's one of those times in which I'm meant to turn to God for the unconditional love and support I need right now. But sometimes it would be nice to talk to someone who gets it in person.