Daughter's op went well

Although we haven't had an official post-op debrief; my daughter is doing well. I was so proud of her at the hospital today. She was completely relaxed and cool about being wheeled around in a bed and lay there grinning away clutching the new Tigger soft-toy I gave her today as a hospital present/distraction.

My husband didn't come up and when it came to the crunch; I wished he was there. Not that he could have come into theatre as well (only one parent allowed) but a shoulder to cry on afterwards would have been nice! It was awful watching my daughter being put to sleep. I cried afterwards and the nurse that led me out of theatre gave me a fistful of tissues and commented she kept the tissues handy in the corridor out of theatre implying I certainly wasn't the first parent who lost it in that circumstance! It was a long hour or so waiting for my daughter on the other side of her op. But I managed to read a couple of mags and got a scone from the cafeteria. The next horrible bit was standing outside the recovery room, listening to my daughter cry for a couple of minutes before I was allowed to go in. I swear it was the longest two minutes of my life!!

My daughter wasn't initially so happy post-surgery in her ward but before long perked up once she had some water, two gingernuts, a pottle of yoghurt and some raisins. We came home and watched some tele while we had a bit of a lunch then we both had a hour and a half long nap which was nice. She's doing good. The trickiest part from now on is keeping her bandage on for the next two days. She has an appointment in about two weeks to see how things are going.

What I realised today without thinking too much about it - more on a feeling level - is how precious our family of three is. It may have only been a small operation, but it was enough to cause vulnerability within our family. Today my desire/grief for another child isn't relevant. It feels as though it is fading into the background a bit - the whole SIF deal. Even know I am committed to writing my SIF books; it feels as though I am somehow able to put all my emotions in a SIF box at this time and just get on with it. I am always wary of making claims like this, however, as often SIF bites me back on the bum when I least expect it so I ain't gonna get too cocky here! Lets just say I am appreciating and enjoying not being consumed by SIF at this time.

I've been printing out my posts/entries from this blog. It's been going for six months now and there is a lot of material to work with. I have essentially already written a book! I feel really good about writing the SIF books - like they are meant to be. It has certainly ignited my passion for writing and it just feels like I'm really going to do it. I am one hundred percent committed! It's not a pipe dream - it's for real.