This time tomorrow I will be up at the hospital with our daughter for her trigger-thumb surgery. Her pre-op check appointment went well on Tuesday. Both my husband and I went along to that and it was very straight-forward. The actual op is quite short (under half an hour). I'm going to just dress her in her (old) PJs rather than trying to get her into a hospital gown. I'm allowed to go into theatre with her as she's put under, have to leave for the op, and then will get called back in when she's waking up in the recovery room. I'm very grateful for that as I really could not imagine watching her being whisked off into theatre without me. They reckon we'll be back my lunchtime tomorrow. I am slightly anxious but know she'll be in very good hands. It actually helps that I've had surgery recently that went well at the same hospital!
When we were up at Paediatrics on Tuesday I thought of all the really sick children in hospital. The threat of not perhaps being able to have another child is a hard pill to swallow most days but I was extremely grateful on Tuesday that all that's wrong with my daughter is her trigger-thumb. She's in excellent health overall. Nursing a seriously ill child must be the one of the most terrifying things you could ever go through. No doubt the worst fear most parents have is of losing their off-spring. Friend no. 4 (who is in her mid-sixties) had six children but two have died in the last fifteen years - one in his twenties, the other in his late thirties. I cannot imagine going through that. Actually, I can. The truth is - I don't want to think about going through that too much.
When I watched news coverage of the quake in China recently, it was so, so sad to see many parents in China grieving the only child that they had. I've heard it said a few times that one of the reasons parents have more than one child, subconsciously or not, is in case tragedy strikes. I guess with just one child I feel just that more vulnerable. My daughter is my world. She really is. I simply cannot imagine my life without her in it.
I feel blessed to have my cheeky, lively three year old. I am still in awe a lot of the time that I am actually a parent. I think it's quite miraculous that I conceived a child - especially given my infertility of late. Once again I feel I need to say (if only for my own benefit): she is enough. My daughter has given me so much and I've been so lucky to be an at-home Mum for the last three years to watch her grow up before my very own eyes. I don't want another child because of anything that is missing with my daughter. It's a desire, a want. It's as simple as that. The only influence my daughter has is that overall parenting has been such a positive experience for me that I want to have another go. Yep and sure, I'd like to give her a sibling too but I'm not going to start yet another list of why-I-want-another-child. Why I feel I have to continually justify this to myself and others, I'm not sure.
Please say a little prayer for my daughter for her operation tomorrow. Thanks. :)
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