No regrets

Following on from my train of thought from yesterday about being a late bloomer in some significant areas in my life; I've no regrets about that. No regrets around the decisions I made as a twenty-something. Such as spending the thousands of dollars I saved at the age of 21 on a one way ticket to the UK rather than using the money towards a house deposit as I originally planned. It was the beginning of a ten year love affair with a gypsy lifestyle that took me to some different parts of New Zealand, Australia, the USA, Canada, The UK, (some of) Europe, Egypt, and Israel. I have no regrets around giving myself the space in my twenties to travel, date, go to university and to work in all sorts of vocations while being footloose and fancy-free. I had the time of my life and had lots of fun!

I always knew I'd settle down later in life and that's what happened. I met my husband to-be at the age of thirty-two and we married when I was thirty-five. My thirties have been about settling down in so many ways. For this former gypsy living in Nelson for six and a half years has been a big turn-around. I have thrived living in the same town for a while and have enjoyed getting to know a community. I retrained as a graphic designer at the age of thirty and have been working in the industry ever since. It has been great having a profession though it is writing, not graphic design, that is my passion. My thirties have also being about sorting out my emotional health; working out who I am and what kind of a life I want to lead. After the chaos of my twenties; it has been great to just stop and smell the roses.

I feel my forties are about embracing my dreams on a deeper level. I have always said I didn't want to have any regrets in life and so have always tried everything I've wanted to do (within reason!). I'm glad my twenties were kind of on the wild side as I've been there, and done that. I have found a lot of peace and personal acceptance in my thirties. Admittedly SIF has tested that over the last 20 months, but I'm getting back to that place again. I hope at fifty I can look back and be proud that I put myself out there and gave it my best shot in my forties.

I was thinking yesterday that forty isn't so old for me to be have another baby. I know several Mums who had babies in their forties and I don't think of them as being old. On the way back from the dairy yesterday my daughter was reading out the numbers on the letter-boxes along the street. And there it was - thirty-nine (my current age) on our neighbours letter-box then forty-one - on our letter-box. For a moment I wondered if it was a sign. That perhaps I'll have a baby at the age of forty-one.... I mean I'm three months off forty now, so it's very probable isn't it that that could be the case. But there I go second-guessing God again!

I do feel a lot lighter at the moment. Having some new focuses has certainly helped. I've been trawling the internet looking for legitimate home-based work opportunities. I've already found a couple of data-entry type positions that sound okay. It feels good to start the process of looking for work that might tie in with my daughter starting Kindy within the next few months. I do do the odd bit of freelance graphic design but am not sure I want to put much energy into that. I guess I'd rather save my creative juices for writing and just have a simplistic job that I can do at home that is relatively stress-free.

I just have a feeling that it's all coming together. Or perhaps it's me coming together! I guess I have been in pieces for a few months as I have grappled my way up from a rock bottom triggered by SIF. I see the light and feel the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the bigger picture. In a way it's been good having a hiatus from work/the gym as it's given me some quiet time in which to refuel, rethink, and reclaim my life. I'm two weeks post-op now and feeling good!