Quiet few days

After my walk on Wednesday in which I no doubt got a little carried away, I've not been going far at all the last few days. I've gone for very small walks to the dairy or to Playgroup but not really far at all. And I'm feeling much better for it. Yesterday I didn't take any of my (pain relief) medication and am pretty much off the codeine now.

We went to my Mum's place this afternoon and I had a lovely sit in the sun for a couple of hours. I felt I really needed it as I've been feeling a bit vitamin-D deficient. Our daughter adores her Nana and follows her around everywhere so it's quite a nice break for my husband and I.

One of my MOO friends has been great this week popping round just about every day. It has been really nice and I've appreciated it. She drove us all to a local cafe on Friday arvo so I shouted her and her daughter afternoon tea as a wee thanks for all her TLC.

I've still been feeling a bit flat so am trying to just go with the flow around that and to accept it as part of my post-op emotional recovery. I've been out of hospital for a week and it's been a slow week on many levels. I want to just get on with it and am missing the gym but have a few weeks to go before I can go back, I'd say.

We've found out our daughter is going in for surgery herself for her trigger-thumb (essentially a bent thumb) next Monday (May 26) - it's only a small operation but still...Her pre-op check is this coming Tuesday.

My MOT friend down the road is going through a very hard time as her mother's health continues to deteriorate rapidly. We usually alternate looking after each others three year olds on a Monday but we've agreed I'll do Monday's for the next few weeks/months while she faces the inevitable death of her mother. It is horrific what she's going through and I'll do whatever I can to support her at this time.

I have been thinking my surgery is probably the first time family and friends have been able to reach out to me within my SIF battle. So I have felt supported for part of my SIF journey, even if once I'm physically healed, it might seem like all is well again.

I was reading on a SI's profile in Dailystrength recently that she felt as though a piece of her had been taken away as a consequence of living with SIF. I feel the same. I've grieved the end of relationships and the death of friends and family members - all of which have rocked my world in their own way. But SIF has been something else altogether and I still don't know how to explain this succinctly - hence my daily blog about SIF. How do I put into words, or into a sentence what it is like to want something so badly yet to fear it may never happen? To have your hopes raised and then squashed as health professionals come on board and attempt to shed some light on your situation, only to leave you with more questions. It is like living with a broken heart that feels insurmountable at times.

I feel in a way I've entered Part 2 of my SIF battle after surgery. Pre-surgery I had been fighting SIF big-time in an attempt to gain some sanity, perspective and balance back in my life again. I plan to continue to do that. I want some new dreams and some new focuses. I've said it before and will say it again, I will not be beaten by SIF!