I've heard this comment a few times over the last couple of weeks - about how the second child often gets forgotten. Comments like this anger me. I'm sure most parents love all their children equally. However I cannot help but wonder if on some level the fact that when children arrive easily, their presence may be taken for granted.
One MOT recently at Playgroup remarked that her second child was having to fend for himself a lot more than her first child. Another MOT friend forgot she had brought her second child to an indoor play area recently. We were so busy talking while watching our three year olds play that her nine month old crawled out of our vision without anyone noticing for a few minutes.
I'm not implying the parents who've been blessed with two or more off-spring love their children any less. Just that perhaps if they came easily, that they aren't perhaps embraced as the miracles they are.
I'm sure a primary infertile might feel the same about the secondary infertile - that all that bleating on about not having a second child must surely mean she doesn't totally love and appreciate her one child. However as any SI will attest; we are very much in love with our children. We just simply have a lot of room in our hearts to love one more.
I've nannied for larger families - one family of four, for instance and understand the dynamics of a bigger family. The more kids there are, the harder it is to watch them individually. And perhaps when your second child (or third, or fourth) comes along quite soon after your first, when you're still quite jaded and exhausted within parenthood, the milestones and wonder of babyhood and childhood don't shine as much as they did the first time round. Perhaps. This probably sounds a bit bitter and it probably is.
Maybe the fact I don't know where I'm at within my cycle is bringing up my TTC fears all over again. I could be on day 19 but am really not sure since AF was quite light and a week early after my op. I have a day 21 progesterone test to take and I'm not sure if I should just take it anyway. If I take it I have to do so on day 20 since day 21 falls on a Saturday and the lab won't be open then. Or perhaps I should just flag this cycle, wait til AF comes and do the progesterone test next month. Which means another month of waiting/in limbo. It might be that I'm ovulating anyway post-op and don't need the Clomid so have nothing to worry about. But I'm pretty sure I didn't ovulate this cycle. Argh. The angst of should I/shouldn't I do this/that within SIF. I guess I'm going to have to try the gyno surgery and see if The Snarky Receptionist can help shed some light here. Oh joy.
UPDATE: I just phoned my gyno's surgery and the receptionist was actually quite nice (might have been the other receptionist, not sure!) Anyway I'm to do the day 21 progesterone test tomorrow and perhaps the test will be repeated again next month. I'm grumpy today. I just need to let the SIF shit go. It's been a hard week with my daughter's op then vomiting bug. She seems okay so far today but hasn't eaten much for the last few days so it'll be a quiet one. I'm three weeks post-op and feeling great physically! Back to work this Sunday, and just phoned the gym - I'll go back next week and take my membership off hold then. I just need to refocus on the positive as I can feel a part of me is starting to spiral into the SIF woes again. I will not be beaten by SIF!
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