Cabin fever!

My daughter started getting sick with a cold on Saturday night so we've stayed at home all week. (It's now Wednesday). I had two and a half days in the house without leaving and was going quite stir-crazy by the end of yesterday. I went to the gym and grocery shopping in the evening as I just had to get out!

I have to admit, the further I get from the baby days of parenting, the more I wonder if I could do it again. Or do I want to do it again? I have been enjoying my new-found freedom as a Kindy Mum. I have really missed those "me time" breaks this week! I have been embracing this next stage of motherhood, and have been enjoying rediscovering me all over again.

Surprisingly, I don't have a lot of envy towards the friend who had her second baby last week. Quite frankly, I'm glad it's not me! Boy is that a turnaround! I have had cabin fever this week stuck at home with a sick child - the thought of being housebound with two children really doesn't appeal at this point at all.

I'm not sure where I'm at around another baby, exactly. I still want one yet I guess I've let go of the desire enough to not feel consumed by thoughts of another baby. It was so good seeing all my friends from different periods of my life at my 40th as it reminded me that there have been several incarnations of Lynda over the years. Motherhood is just one of them. Now that I'm forty I am truly inspired to reach for the stars as such with my other dreams. I am allowing them to surface now that my dream to have another baby has been released to God like one of the helium balloons that floated off into the sky last week.

I am tuning into me. Doing what I want to do, going where I want to go around things - not 'cos I have to. I often live like this but I think I lost direction a bit with SIF for a while. I'm changing my gym routine a bit, for example. The class I do on a Wednesday night is too late for me at 6.30pm. My energy levels are low in that class and half-way through, around seven, I find I am often struggling. Bodybalance (the Tai Chi/Pilates/Yoga) class works though at 6.45pm as it is a different kind of energy - much more gentle and soothing. I did it last night and it was great.

Even though I say I have let go of my baby dreams, I am still doing little things that indicate I think and hope another baby is still a possibility. Last night during relaxation in my Bodybalance class I imagined I was holding my newborn. I'm still eating wholegrain bread, adding icecream to my smoothie, and have cut down on potatoes in my diet as per The Fertility Diet. I take a prenatal vitamin alongside a multi-vitamin every morning. I'm caffeine-free and avoid junk-food most of the time. Apart from a few drinks for my 40th; I barely drink. So I certainly am preparing my body for another baby. My mind is the next step. I have some decluttering to do. I have some scrambled thoughts/messages around another baby that I need to sort out.

I suppose for so long I fought with God when it looked as though another baby wasn't coming any time soon. But now I've stopped fighting and have come to see that life is fine, and even great just the way it is as a Mum of one. Perhaps I no longer need a second baby to complete me like I thought I did for quite some time. The missing pieces within my life are within me - not another baby. I really feel that now.