MOT Envy

I cannot help it, I've had a bad case of MOT envy hit me lately. Yesterday when I took my daughter to Kindy there were two MOTH's-to-be I knew from Playgroup/Music. Their eldest children had just started Kindy last week/this week. I hadn't seen either MOTH-to-be for months and was so jealous of their rounded bellies. I mean a third on the way?! That is so not fair! I'm sorry but when you've struggled with SIF and really just wanted one more child - it is very hard to see others squeezing them out effortlessly.

I know too that I'm angry about it all as I've started addressing the big emotional block that I believe has a lot to do with the standstill mode that I'm in. That's hard/emotional work in itself. It will be interesting to see what the "healer lady" picks up at this afternoons session as it feels like it is right on top for me.

I'm going to bed early but am still so fatigued. I do think Provera just seems to amplify my hormonal state. I started doing the twelve steps yesterday. I came home and journalled for a bit while my daughter was at Kindy. I'm on Step One: Admitted we were powerless over infertility* and that our lives had become unmanageable. *Note: I've substituted alcohol with infertility.

I'm lacking in oomph today, I know it. Admittedly I have a slight snuffle so am hoping it doesn't turn into a full-blown cold. Oh man, I am as flat as a pancake, aren't I!