I hide it well

Yesterday I organised a playdate at a local indoor playground with a couple of friends and their children. I told them I was now on anti-depressants. I think I'm going to be fairly open about it (and I have afterall told the world via my blog!). I'm not going to shout it from the roof-tops or anything but I'm okay about telling people where appropriate. I would say I am not the only woman who has had to resort to happy pills after a decent chunk of time dealing with SIF. I am definitely not the only woman with menopausal symptoms/a hormonal imbalance who has been prescribed S.S.R.1.

I do want to make an appointment with a health professional who is a little more clued up around hormonal imbalances. I know there are saliva tests for example that some can do to check progesterone levels. I do think I have an underlying depression going on with mood swings on top of that and that's why I've not been able to move past it all. I had a few tears yesterday - I suppose it was a mix of relief and acknowledgement that this is where I'm at.

I've enjoyed going to the gym the last couple of nights. Last night I did Bodycombat which I haven't been able to do for a few weeks as I'd lost the fight within. But last night it felt so good to kick and punch my way through a class. The night before I did Bodybalance which I also haven't done for a couple of weeks. It felt really good to do the Yoga and Pilates moves.

I'm enrolled in an evening art class next month - Painting in Acrylics or Oils for Beginners. I'm really looking forward to it. It goes for about two months on a Tuesday night. Each class is two hours long. I like to draw quite simplistic cartoons with ink but have never had any kind of art training. I have this little fantasy that I'd like to sell paintings/greeting cards/book marks/children's books at a stall at the local Saturday markets. So it's time to start painting! Also I know it will be really therapeutic at this time to do some art. Interestingly the last time I had a major personal crisis - around twelve years ago - I did a lot of cartooning. In fact, I ended up retraining as a graphic designer as a result. I've been more into writing than art the last few years but they are both passions of mine. I certainly want to be doing both in my life.

One of my friends yesterday made the comment that they (my friends) never see my mood swings/depression. That's so true - I am very good at hiding that side of myself. Even when in quite intense emotional pain I can still put on a pretty good front. This of course helps me - I do mainly feel better after socialising a bit - except in a sea of MOTs of course... So maybe this is an opportunity for me to reveal the real me. I'm often seen out there as a carefree kind of a soul yet I am someone who experiences very deep emotions from time to time. I need to accept that that is how I am wired as well.