I've been slowly tuning into what I need on this mind-body healing path I'm on. Turns out icecream isn't so good for me. It was recommended in The Fertility Diet - as a high fat instead of a low fat. For a while there I was having one or two icecreams a week and I think that worked for me.
However substituting yoghurt with icecream in my mid-morning smoothie doesn't feel right for me. My body is telling me it's overloaded with icecream so I will no longer be putting it into my smoothie. I have rashes on my upper thighs and a niggling cough which I know I've had in the past when I have over-dosed on dairy food. I think I'll go back to having low-fat yoghurt in my smoothie and icecreams a couple of times a week. See how desperate I got?! Admittedly it felt wierd putting icecream into what was meant to be a healthy energy-drink but I did it because I thought just maybe it might help me ovulate, as I had read a high-fat intake could.
I took my last Provera pill (on round four) yesterday so here's hoping AF turns up sometime soon. Now I've had four goes on Provera I have noticed that my skin itches on my body and my face gets quite dry and a little bit spotty every time I take it. I seem to get pretty tired on it too though I feel like I am always tired these days so that symptom is kind of hard to decipher.
I turned up a little earlier at Kindy yesterday to see how my daughter was doing as there was a half-hour organised group activity going on. She was doing really well - was in the middle of the group and participating for a good twenty minutes. Then she had enough and was doing her own thing. The Head Kindy teacher was rapt, as was I, because when she first started Kindy when a similar activity was organised a few weeks back, she stood far away from the group, standing by the fence. It seems when she's comfortable in a situation, she'll warm to it. Her ASD is very mild - all she really needs is time to adjust to new situations and some extra coaxing as well as acceptance around how much she chooses to participate.
I was holding a MOT friend's one year old for some of the session. Another MOT commented that I had acquired a baby. I felt like saying "I wish!" It was on the tip of my tongue! I cannot describe exactly how I feel now around a second baby. I do certainly still feel envy around MOT's but at the same time I have much more acceptance than before that I am just on the path I am on which involves a lot of internal hard-work.
I am enjoying reading Julia Indichova's second book The Fertile Female. I feel as though I am traveling alongside her as I continue to delve within for my own answers at this time. I thought for a while that if only I could put my energy into something else, like a new career/focus then perhaps all this baby-stuff would leave me. But it doesn't work like that. I have no choice but to look at all that lies beneath my baby dreams. I realise now that until I do, life will not move forward. So I am so glad I have started the ball rolling as such. Great things will come out of all this - in God's time. Now is the time for ploughing the field and sowing the seeds. Harvesting is a little way off in the future.
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