I finished reading Inconceivable: A Woman's Triumph over Despair and Statistics by Julia Indichova last night. It had been recommended to me by a couple of fellow SI's. All in all it was a good read. Essentially it's about a woman who beats the medical odds. Her FSH levels are very high and she is turned down and discouraged by many a specialist. She starts turning inward and following the leads she is given to improve her overall health and therefore fertility. She starts to see TTC as an adventure, and her world opens up as she tunes into her body and mind. For her this means turning to Yoga, herbs and facing some emotional blockages. Her insights are worth it as in the end she does end up conceiving, and then delivering a healthy baby. (her second child).
I relate a lot to Julia's journey. I'm there myself. Once again Drs are stumped as they can't even bring on a fake period for me via Provera, though here's hoping it works with the current dosage I'm on. Julia mentions slowing down and just sorting out her infertility at her own pace despite her age and FSH levels. Self-care is her priority. She mentions making an effort to have eight hours sleep a night. Well I decided just a few weeks ago that more sleep was definitely what I needed. My daughter wakes between 5 and 6am so that means I should be in bed between 9 and 10pm. I have been sticking to this for a month or so and now my body naturally winds down around 8pm. I have started falling asleep in front of the tv a couple of times since going to bed a bit earlier. I think also my body and mind are catching up with what has been an exhausting process - SIF. Not to mention my fluctuating energy levels that come with my hormonal imbalance.
I think I'm on the right track to sorting out my body. I do cardio exercise via group fitness classes three times a week, one Pilates/Yoga class, and weights once a week all at the same gym. I eat pretty healthily but have to admit I've probably loosened "the rules" a bit more around the not-so-good-foods. I haven't turned into a pig or anything , but I will have something sweet like a chocolate brownie at a cafe now if I feel like it. Every woman is going to be different with her inward journey around TTC. I was a sugar Nazi for many months and although I still don't think a lot of sugar is good for anyone; a small treat here and there is my way of letting go a little, if that makes sense.
I'm not sure if I will go down the herbs route again or not. I'm seeing the "healer lady" again tomorrow and am hoping she will guide me with where to go to from here. My mind does need sorting out, I know that much. No doubt I'm going to have to go for some more counselling though I do know the "healer lady" in her sessions allows space to talk, if needed. I have an emotional block going on - that has become very clear to me now.
I still feel like I am going round in circles a little bit. Guess I kinda thought I'd hit forty and it would be all over. But it's not. I just have to accept this is a particularly long chapter in my life and who knows how long it'll go on for. I do think my outlook has changed around turning forty - I've got things in perspective and can see there are greener pastures ahead. I just have to keep on keeping on. There definitely is a light at the end of the tunnel.