Where am I heading?

This neither here nor there space within SIF is driving me crazy. And it's mainly an internal battle. The realist in me thinks I really am in menopause and the dreamer in me thinks perhaps it really is just a hormonal balance that can be conquered. All I know is I need to make a decision sometime soon about which team I'm batting for - is for Team Menopause or Team Hope?

I'm off to see the "healer lady" in a couple of hours so will ask her about a second baby. At my first session she said she thought she could help me - had helped lots of people who'd been through IVF etc. The last two sessions have been more focused on me. I guess at this point I just want to be happy and will do whatever it takes to get there. If I need to accept another biological child is pretty much an impossibility than I guess I'm ready to do that.

I will also phone my gyno as I am sick of waiting around to hear a response from him via my Dr. She has written a letter and is waiting to hear back from him as she doesn't know what to do next. It's been over a month since my Dr wrote that letter and two months since I was given the dire half-diagnosis of ovarian failure via some blood test results.

I guess I just want my power back within SIF. I have once again given it to my Dr/gyno and even the "healer lady." But what do I think? It's time to listen to my inner voice. As inspiring as Julia Indichova is, I'm not sure that is my path. I'm not sure I have the energy to will a baby into my life. I'm kind of thinking if it isn't meant to be, then maybe it isn't meant to be. I'm getting closer to working out which Team I should be on. I've had a long time to check out the players and I think I'm starting to work out which Team I fit on best.